Today's Washington Post ran a fabulous story about Broad Run football player T.J. Peeler. The only consistent part of his pre-HS years was the chronic instability of his family's living situation and his constantly changing educational situation.
Enter basketball coach John Costello and family who, over three years ago, volunteered to let T.J. live with them because he decided what he really wanted was some stability in his school situation. T.J. became a true part of the family, and for a kid who has never met his biological father - Coach Costello became living breathing evidence of what a father should be. The final lines of the story were perhaps most compelling:
"I just see Coach Cos and he has a steady job and a family, a family that loves him, and they have a lot of chemistry, they always talk," Peeler said. "I just want a family and kids, that's it. I just want to be a man and take care of my kids. Because I love being around kids and I just think it'd be great to have my own home to come to and have my kids and tell them to do their homework."
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Of Princesses and First Ladies
In Roland's latest Washington Times column, he explores the idea that "a good father helps his daughter find her prince without kissing all the frogs" and how this is played out in Disney's upcoming movie, "The Princess and The Frog."
He also points out the father factor in the President and First Lady Obama's strong marriage.
You can read the full article here!
He also points out the father factor in the President and First Lady Obama's strong marriage.
You can read the full article here!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
What Good Can Come From a Recession?
More time with family and stronger relationships...that's what.
I recently saw a poll* showing that four times as many people said their relationships got better, rather than worse, due to the recent recession.
Apparently, cutting back on kids' extracurriculars, staying and eating in, and spending more time together has brought us closer. It has forced us to slow down, spend and expend less, and look inward and homeward for fulfillment and entertainment.
Hopefully we'll all be able to keep this perspective when things pick up - slowing down and really noticing each other shouldn't just be a "hard times" habit.
*This poll is referenced in a recent TIME Magazine article: "The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting." Interesting read...another post for another day.
I recently saw a poll* showing that four times as many people said their relationships got better, rather than worse, due to the recent recession.
Apparently, cutting back on kids' extracurriculars, staying and eating in, and spending more time together has brought us closer. It has forced us to slow down, spend and expend less, and look inward and homeward for fulfillment and entertainment.
Hopefully we'll all be able to keep this perspective when things pick up - slowing down and really noticing each other shouldn't just be a "hard times" habit.
*This poll is referenced in a recent TIME Magazine article: "The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting." Interesting read...another post for another day.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Why do dads think they are replaceable?
Check out this video of Roland C. Warren, NFI's president, discussing why dads think they are replaceable at the release event for Mama Says: A National Survey of Mothers' Attitudes on Fathering.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Mama Says What?
Today at the Brookings Institution in Washington, D.C., NFI released Mama Says: A National Survey of Mothers' Attitudes on Fathering. Go to www.fatherhood.org/mamasays to find out what moms really think about dads...
Monday, November 30, 2009
Not Good or Bad...Just Different
Over the holiday, I had the opportunity to visit good friends of mine, Allen and Becky, and meet Zeke, their happy, pudgy four month-old baby who has a shock of beautiful dark hair and eyes as large as saucers.
After sufficient cooing and cuddling (Oh, who am I kidding? It was excessive cooing and cuddling.), Becky settled Zeke into his ExerSaucer, a colorful bouncy-chair flanked on all sides by plastic toys, whirl-a-gigs, noise makers, mirrors - everything a four month-old needs to amuse himself for a few minutes - so we could eat a few bites of dinner.
"It's interesting," she observed as she settled him in, "this chair has pieces you can extend from the bottom to keep it from moving around as much. I always put them down, but Allen rarely does. It took me a while to realize that's okay - it's okay if Zeke moves around a little bit."
That didn't surprise me. Dads interact with their children in a different way than moms. While moms hold babies close and cuddle them, fathers tickle their kids, approaching them from every angle. Dads lift their babies into the air - prompting giggles of delight from their children and gasps of fear from their wives.
Research actually shows that kids need this unique interaction - when dads play and tickle and toss, they're actually enhancing their child's cognitive development.
So many times dads get sidelined in the beginning because they aren't taking care of the baby the "right" way. Yes, there are only so many ways to change a diaper, but just because dads do things differently, that doesn't mean it's wrong.
After sufficient cooing and cuddling (Oh, who am I kidding? It was excessive cooing and cuddling.), Becky settled Zeke into his ExerSaucer, a colorful bouncy-chair flanked on all sides by plastic toys, whirl-a-gigs, noise makers, mirrors - everything a four month-old needs to amuse himself for a few minutes - so we could eat a few bites of dinner.
"It's interesting," she observed as she settled him in, "this chair has pieces you can extend from the bottom to keep it from moving around as much. I always put them down, but Allen rarely does. It took me a while to realize that's okay - it's okay if Zeke moves around a little bit."
That didn't surprise me. Dads interact with their children in a different way than moms. While moms hold babies close and cuddle them, fathers tickle their kids, approaching them from every angle. Dads lift their babies into the air - prompting giggles of delight from their children and gasps of fear from their wives.
Research actually shows that kids need this unique interaction - when dads play and tickle and toss, they're actually enhancing their child's cognitive development.
So many times dads get sidelined in the beginning because they aren't taking care of the baby the "right" way. Yes, there are only so many ways to change a diaper, but just because dads do things differently, that doesn't mean it's wrong.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Biology Matters
Last night I watched the premiere of the new ABC show, "Find My Family." The show helps people find family members that they have lost contact with, such as adopted children, biological fathers, sisters, etc.
Last night's episode was about a couple who wanted to find their first daughter, who they had given up for adoption when they were teenagers. She is now 29-years-old and the parents had been searching for her for the last 9 years. They were reunited with her at the end of the show.
I grew up with my own two parents, so I don't know what it is like to know that you have close biological relatives out there somewhere that you have never met. But the truth that emerged from the tear-filled show last night is that biology matters.
Here were people who had never met before, yet they all had a powerful, undeniable urge to be connected with others who are a part of them. The daughter wanted to know where she came from; to know "who she was." The parents wanted to know the child they had created together; they wanted to see that part of them that would live on after they are gone.
It is important to note that this is not a criticism of adoption - the daughter had been adopted by two loving parents who cared for her and gave her a good life. Adoption is a wonderful thing. But the fact that she did have such a positive upbringing with her adoptive parents is actually further evidence of the power of biology - she still wanted to know her true parents and have a relationship with them despite her great relationship with her adoptive parents.
From NFI's perspective, the show demonstrated why father absence matters. As Roland Warren, NFI's president is fond of saying, "Children have a hole in their soul in the shape of their father." Again, people want to know where they came from, as it helps them define who they are. Father absence makes that task all the more difficult.
In the previews of upcoming episodes, you hear people saying things like, "A part of me was missing that I needed to fill." Surely, we don't fully understand what is happening here, but clearly, people continue to ask that age old question, "Who am I?" In a culture that would downplay the importance of biology in defining family, this show was a powerful reminder that you can't deny DNA.
Last night's episode was about a couple who wanted to find their first daughter, who they had given up for adoption when they were teenagers. She is now 29-years-old and the parents had been searching for her for the last 9 years. They were reunited with her at the end of the show.
I grew up with my own two parents, so I don't know what it is like to know that you have close biological relatives out there somewhere that you have never met. But the truth that emerged from the tear-filled show last night is that biology matters.
Here were people who had never met before, yet they all had a powerful, undeniable urge to be connected with others who are a part of them. The daughter wanted to know where she came from; to know "who she was." The parents wanted to know the child they had created together; they wanted to see that part of them that would live on after they are gone.
It is important to note that this is not a criticism of adoption - the daughter had been adopted by two loving parents who cared for her and gave her a good life. Adoption is a wonderful thing. But the fact that she did have such a positive upbringing with her adoptive parents is actually further evidence of the power of biology - she still wanted to know her true parents and have a relationship with them despite her great relationship with her adoptive parents.
From NFI's perspective, the show demonstrated why father absence matters. As Roland Warren, NFI's president is fond of saying, "Children have a hole in their soul in the shape of their father." Again, people want to know where they came from, as it helps them define who they are. Father absence makes that task all the more difficult.
In the previews of upcoming episodes, you hear people saying things like, "A part of me was missing that I needed to fill." Surely, we don't fully understand what is happening here, but clearly, people continue to ask that age old question, "Who am I?" In a culture that would downplay the importance of biology in defining family, this show was a powerful reminder that you can't deny DNA.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Flex Your Facebook Muscles and Vote for NFI!
Chase Bank is taking a new approach to corporate philanthropy by hosting a contest on Facebook - and YOU can vote for NFI to receive funding!
If you're on facebook, search for Chase Community Giving, download the app, and search for "National Fatherhood Initiative."
Why should you vote for NFI? Well, we're working in all 50 states (plus DC and Puerto Rico) on an issue that affects every community - father absence. Our programs are changing lives and reconnecting families, ensuring that no child grows up without his/her father. This funding will enable us to continue to strengthen families, communities, and give you and your children a brighter future for a stronger America.
So...flex your facebook muscles and vote for NFI!
http://apps.facebook.com/chasecommunitygiving/
If you're on facebook, search for Chase Community Giving, download the app, and search for "National Fatherhood Initiative."
Why should you vote for NFI? Well, we're working in all 50 states (plus DC and Puerto Rico) on an issue that affects every community - father absence. Our programs are changing lives and reconnecting families, ensuring that no child grows up without his/her father. This funding will enable us to continue to strengthen families, communities, and give you and your children a brighter future for a stronger America.
So...flex your facebook muscles and vote for NFI!
http://apps.facebook.com/chasecommunitygiving/
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