tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793713712123050202024-03-13T04:41:35.412-04:00The Father FactorThe official blog of National Fatherhood Initiative: www.fatherhood.orgRoland Warrenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03950298999478536463noreply@blogger.comBlogger388125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-3150367250445987552012-05-17T14:16:00.005-04:002012-05-17T14:16:56.857-04:00Notice: We Have a New Home for our Blog!The Father Factor blog has moved!<br />
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**This will be the very last blog post at this address**<br />
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From here on out, the new home of National Fatherhood Initiative's blog, The Father Factor, is <a href="http://blog.fatherhood.org/">http://blog.fatherhood.org</a>. So, if you are subscribed via email to this blog, please go to <a href="http://blog.fatherhood.org/">blog.fatherhood.org</a> and re-subscribe at that new address. The subscribe field will be near the top right of the page. <br />
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The new blog site is a much more technologically advanced tool that will allow us to serve you better with the same fatherhood-focused content.<br />
<br />We thank you for being a great supporter of our work at NFI and on The Father Factor, and look forward to seeing you at our new home!<br />
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Again, its <a href="http://blog.fatherhood.org/">http://blog.fatherhood.org</a>. See you there!Vincent DiCarohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00648582612426907582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-18652409392484387672012-05-14T10:47:00.001-04:002012-05-14T10:47:39.563-04:00Wise Words About Moms from a Special Soccer Coach<i>This post is from Chris Brown, NFI's Executive Vice President.</i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIv04wDj-TPBhxCPyxFi4AzVdgaRoNluBfSHPYTRL9JefAOQfZzeTPZFbkW-8Q2_nF2Rxk6k_w6kxCplewBIjPt21HdF3kiabTAeQxr1AsC6CD_2QdRzveMEx67FLn6oZ4XWLxKYEU9_wQ/s1600/BallFront.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIv04wDj-TPBhxCPyxFi4AzVdgaRoNluBfSHPYTRL9JefAOQfZzeTPZFbkW-8Q2_nF2Rxk6k_w6kxCplewBIjPt21HdF3kiabTAeQxr1AsC6CD_2QdRzveMEx67FLn6oZ4XWLxKYEU9_wQ/s200/BallFront.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Fatherhood has many interesting twists and turns as children age. My girls were only 5 and 3 when I started to work for NFI. Now 17 and 14, both of them play soccer with the same passion that I remember bringing to the sports I played as a child. The soccer journey for my older daughter started only a year before I came to NFI. It’s been a joy to watch my girls grow and mature as young ladies and soccer players.<br /><br />In a little over a year, I will face one of the greatest challenges a father can face—watching a child go to college. Little did I know when my oldest started to play soccer when she was 4 years old that she would develop into a player interested in and good enough to play at the collegiate level. Selecting a college has been difficult enough, but it became even more difficult for us as we tried to find a college that provides the academic program and rigor my daughter needs and wants, an athletic program that understands the priority of “student” in “student-athlete,” and a coaching staff that my wife and I can trust to care for our daughter as she leaves the security and safety of our home.<br /><br />The recruiting journey started nearly two years ago and just came to an end with my daughter verbally committing to attend and play soccer at Trinity University (San Antonio, TX) starting in 2013. Trinity is considered to be one of the top academic universities in this part of the country, and has a well-respected soccer program (.847 winning percentage since 2004). Lance Key is the head coach, three-time All American collegiate player, and former Major League Soccer player with the Colorado Rapids. <br />
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Lance recently become a father for the first time. We hit if off during my daughter’s recruiting visit as we talked about the joy he felt anticipating the birth of his first child. Since the birth of Ava, we’ve talked about the deep, abiding love he has for her and how it has deepened the love he has for his wife. <br />
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As he sat in church this past Mother’s Day, he reflected on his love for his wife and mother of his beautiful little girl. He spontaneously sent the following e-mail to the mothers of his current players and to those of the girls in my daughter’s incoming class who have also committed to play for Trinity. His message is one that every father should remember—the importance of a mother’s involvement and commitment to her children and how it facilitates and makes easier a father’s role. <br /><br />
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Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there!! As I sat in church this morning, I felt compelled to send a message to you who have decided to entrust your daughters to my care...during such a critically important time of their lives. <br /><br />As a man who has always had a very special relationship with my own mother, and now drawing from the experience of watching my incredible wife deliver and care for our little girl, Ava, I am reminded of so much of the love that a mother invests into her children. <br /><br />As I sat yesterday, watching our class of 2012 graduates, we listened to a man offer some incredible words. He spoke about a great number of fascinating topics with great purpose and encouragement, but one statement in particular resonated with me. He encouraged all of us to redirect our aim away from what the world recognizes as success and focus our efforts on a life of significance. What an incredible perspective this was, and how appropriate the timing...to encourage 22- and 23-year-old college graduates the day before Mother's Day to appreciate the things in their life that are invaluable over those things that are assigned value. <br /><br />Parenthood is perhaps the most significant thing in the world, far greater than any victory between the touchlines or promotion at work...and the ability the mothers have to completely sustain their children goes beyond description. <br /><br />I salute you mothers today, along with my wife, my mother, and my sister. I am so grateful to get the opportunity to know you in the coming years, and appreciate what you do so very much. There is nothing quite like a mother's love. <br /><br />Have a wonderful day celebrating your incredible significance.<br /><br />With love,<br /><br />
Lance Key<br /><br />Trinity University<br />Women's Soccer CoachVincent DiCarohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00648582612426907582noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-18596546958714854382012-05-09T11:20:00.001-04:002012-05-09T11:22:53.515-04:00Octomom: Her Children, Her Choice and Our Responsibility<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyNTuc8QE-bp1WgivhEUKq4n1r8bYetMC2rPAhwJhAGtsfM5AbYgot53pVP86D3LuYdQYYUMjuJ4kRLKKC80eZdbU4ylUsk1fbzd6Ttpz9uA3VHMJf8NBprgvy0V4eYxnMrK7lDpHg1Ofo/s1600/octomom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyNTuc8QE-bp1WgivhEUKq4n1r8bYetMC2rPAhwJhAGtsfM5AbYgot53pVP86D3LuYdQYYUMjuJ4kRLKKC80eZdbU4ylUsk1fbzd6Ttpz9uA3VHMJf8NBprgvy0V4eYxnMrK7lDpHg1Ofo/s200/octomom.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Last week, the Associated Press reported that Nadya Suleman, a.k.a.
Octomom, has run into some serious financial trouble. Apparently, she
has amassed $1 million in debt to a range of creditors -- including her
parents. It's also reported that she may have to resort to doing a porn
movie in order to make ends meet.<br />
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For anyone one who has followed Ms. Suleman's saga over the last
three years, none of this should be a surprise. She has made a series of
troubling and unwise choices, most notably her decision to have 14
children with no apparent financial means to support them. Alas, actions
have consequences, and although one can choose their actions, no one
can choose the consequences of their actions.<br />
<br />
You might recall that much of the initial reporting about Suleman's
decision to have octuplets was positive, even glowing. Our culture tends
to respond to these kinds of "scientific miracle" stories like proud
3-year-olds showing our adoring parents a new skill, boasting, "Look
what we can do!"<br />
<br />
But the tone of the news stories soon turned negative, even vicious,
as reports surfaced that Ms. Suleman was a jobless single mother with
six more young children who subsisted on a combination of welfare
checks, food stamps and student loans. The situation got even worse
after a widely seen <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/08/octomoms-14-kids-run-wild_n_893205.html" target="_hplink">interview of Ms. Suleman by NBC's Ann Curry.</a> Ms. Suleman reportedly even received death threats.<br />
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Why were (and are) so many so incensed by this situation? Is it
because children are involved? Maybe, but there certainly have been
worse stories that involved children. Maybe it is because Ms. Suleman
does not have the money to support her family. Possibly, but could one
really make that case in this season of billion-dollar bailouts?<br />
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No, I believe the real issue is that Ms. Suleman has been smugly
putting in our collective faces something about ourselves that we do not
want to see and refuse to acknowledge. Ms. Suleman's story exposes the
fact that for the last few decades, our culture has been carefully
constructing a modern-day "Tower of Babel" in celebration of "personal
choice," especially in matters related to sex.<br />
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We have constructed this tower brick by brick -- one brick to unlink
marriage from childbearing, another to unlink fatherhood from family
life. We have been on a march to climb our tower without taking the time
to consider the consequences.<br />
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Worse yet, any courageous soul who dares to try and stop us on our
"upward" march is shoved from the tower, sans parachute, as an example
for others.<br />
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Ms. Suleman, a learned product of our culture, knows our dilemma
well, or at least got her money's worth from the many PR consultants who
have coached her. For example, when Ms. Curry asked, "Why is it
responsible for a single woman without a job... to have eight more
children?" Ms. Suleman responded, "Yes, I have chosen to be single... If
there is a couple... just together, why are they exempt from being
called irresponsible?"<br />
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When Ms. Curry queried why her fertility specialist, who knew that
she already had six children, transferred so many embryos, Ms. Suleman
responded, "It's a subject of choice... so he did not judge me. [He was]
Very professional."<br />
<br />
Even when Ms. Curry tried to challenge Ms. Suleman by suggesting that
children need a father, Ms. Suleman had all the right answers. She
said, "I absolutely believe that. And they do have a father."<br />
The problem is that Ms. Suleman, like many others, has chosen to view
fatherhood as merely a biological transaction. In a culture where
choice trumps all, who can "cast the first stone" at a woman who
undervalues the need for children to have a physically and emotionally
present father in their lives? This is despite reams of social science
research that support the fact that children need involved dads.<br />
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In short, the more Ms. Curry tried to turn the mirror on Ms. Suleman,
the more the mirror was turned back on the culture that produced her.<br />
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Indeed, the truth is that choices are never personal; they are always
communal. Her children are our responsibility, too -- your tax dollars
pay for the programs that support her choices. Ms. Suleman's story
illustrates that in our politically correct, choice-saturated culture,
there are more and more things that you dare not say. However, the
problem is that there are fewer and fewer things that you dare not do.<br />
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<i>This post was originally published on May 8, 2012 on <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/roland-c-warren/octomom_b_1498079.html">The Huffington Post </a></i>Roland Warrenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03950298999478536463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-52229816442621351672012-05-03T16:41:00.000-04:002012-05-04T07:37:55.902-04:00Junior Seau's Fatherhood Story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5mKnSE8NgGrlAgAw4a1QwBEAWS9O9NMnsMwN2Ck9P9dTUUCdsVVkUIMzcqklW9nXY0WKmNJQDmEC2KsX-PTlXm6w8ZPU5g3qqjPF0zcjjeLdvbiTYuvcqKSKzoMhnblQf0KvBqbTuLllh/s1600/seau" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5mKnSE8NgGrlAgAw4a1QwBEAWS9O9NMnsMwN2Ck9P9dTUUCdsVVkUIMzcqklW9nXY0WKmNJQDmEC2KsX-PTlXm6w8ZPU5g3qqjPF0zcjjeLdvbiTYuvcqKSKzoMhnblQf0KvBqbTuLllh/s200/seau" width="200" /></a></div>
There are still many unanswered questions about the tragic death of former NFL player Junior Seau. From our perspective here at NFI, many of the most important questions surround his family life.<br />
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While many people in the sports world gush about how great a player he was and all the good he did for "the community," things are much less clear when it comes to what he did, or didn't do, for his own family.<br />
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We do know that the day before he apparently took his own life, he sent text messages to his ex-wife and three children telling them he loved them. The fact that he texted his kids, and did not see them face-to-face before his death, raises questions. How often was he seeing his children? What was the extent of the estrangement since his divorce in 2002? Indeed, it was his girlfriend, not his ex-wife or children, who found him dead.<br />
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I also find it interesting that Seau never officially retired from football. Was his life so locked up, his identity so inseparable, from his role as an NFL player that he just could never bring himself to let go? Because of his divorce, was he not able to pour his life into his family, especially his children, in a way that would have saved him from what looks like an identity crisis? While he was too old to continue playing on the football field, couldn't he have continued playing with his children? <br />
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I don't pretend to know the answers to these questions. But having been around this fatherhood thing for as long as I've been, there are certain patterns that you start to notice. I think of <a href="http://thefatherfactor.blogspot.com/2009/07/other-side-of-story.html" target="_blank">the murder of former NFL quarterback Steve McNair in 2009, which we blogged about here.</a><br />
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I think of all the research I've read on <a href="http://menshealth.about.com/od/lifestyle/a/divorce_men.htm" target="_blank">what happens to men's health</a>, and father-child relationships in particular, after divorce. In short, they disintegrate over time. Many men tend to view "the wife and kids" as a single "package," and when their marriages end, their relationships with their children often become strained. And often, the legal system and our culture make it more difficult for them to stay connected to their children over time. Also, men are more likely than women to remarry after divorce, and when they start new families, the old ones often get left behind. <br />
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More answers are certainly going to come in the next few weeks as to what happened with Junior Seau. We can only hope and pray that his children will be ok. We will continue to follow the story as it unfolds.Vincent DiCarohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00648582612426907582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-46159853692894096182012-05-03T10:42:00.003-04:002012-05-03T10:44:58.735-04:00Ryan O'Neal Not Alone as a "Lost" Father<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdbUBW3Cpli09FoZeF7VzApwJLiY-mjA4ECY5RUM4HUeCN22pR77P-mGdGuOdIVDKeeDi4et9auK1t-W7KB66DbX74yWA4zFfZ56uzlbrhyMnTko-XmYAxPVFkUW0lYsr1IT42dzY9XRfP/s1600/Screen+shot+2012-05-03+at+10.44.00+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="189" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdbUBW3Cpli09FoZeF7VzApwJLiY-mjA4ECY5RUM4HUeCN22pR77P-mGdGuOdIVDKeeDi4et9auK1t-W7KB66DbX74yWA4zFfZ56uzlbrhyMnTko-XmYAxPVFkUW0lYsr1IT42dzY9XRfP/s200/Screen+shot+2012-05-03+at+10.44.00+AM.png" width="200" /></a></div>
In a <a href="http://todayentertainment.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/01/11484828-ryan-oneal-i-wasnt-trained-as-a-parent?lite" target="_blank">depressing interview on The Today Show</a> yesterday, actor Ryan O'Neal spilled his guts about the multitude of problems he's had with his children and with his romantic partner of many years, Farrah Fawcett. <br />
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In the interview, Matt Lauer listed the various problems O'Neal's four, now grown, children have had, and then the conversation went like this: <br />
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Lauer: "Were you a bad parent?"<br />
O'Neal: "Looks like it... Sure looks like it... I suppose I was."<br />
Lauer: "Why did you fail as a parent?"<br />
O'Neal:"Well, I wasn't trained."<br />
Lauer: "Nobody's trained."<br />
O'Neal:"Nobody's trained, so I found out..." <br />
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First, I can't imagine how difficult it would be as a man in my later years (O'Neal is now 71) to have to face the fact that I was a failure as a father. After all, being a dad is the most important role a man will ever have (along with being a husband). If you fail at that, then, in many ways, your life is a failure. At least that is how I think I would feel.<br />
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So, I felt a mix of pity, pride, and anger at O'Neal as I watched him make this admission. Part of me felt terrible for the guy; what a tough thing to face. Part of me was "proud" of him for having the courage to make this admission publicly; it is a hard thing for a man to admit he failed at something, especially in public. But another part of me was screaming, "Why didn't you realize this 40 years ago when your kids were young and you still had a chance! It's too late now, you jerk!"<br />
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Second, there is much wisdom, but also an omission in Lauer's statement that "nobody's trained" to be a good father. While this is true (<a href="http://www.fatherhood.org/media/fatherhood-statistics/pops-culture-download" target="_blank">our own research</a> shows that about half of men do not feel prepared to become fathers), it is also true that many sons learn how to be good fathers by watching their own dads. I don't know anything about O'Neal's father, but it would appear that O'Neal did not feel like he learned anything from him. He may not have been trained, but wasn't there the possibility he could have learned by watching? Apparently not... <br />
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That said, O'Neal's experience should be a lesson to our culture -- we need to make sure we are doing more to prepare men to be good dads, especially in an era of mass father absence. One in three kids grows up without his or her father in the home. And they are not being "trained." What kinds of fathers do we expect boys to become? It's hard to be what you don't see. And what kinds of fathers will our girls decide they need to have for their children?<br />
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From that perspective, it is hard to be mad at the Ryan O'Neals of the world who grow up in a culture that de-emphasizes the importance of dads and then expects them to be good fathers. While he should certainly be held accountable for not being as responsible as he should have been, there is at least an explanation that provides context. <br />
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What did you feel when you watched O'Neal's interview?Vincent DiCarohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00648582612426907582noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-56520300489657915392012-04-30T16:52:00.000-04:002012-04-30T16:52:08.815-04:00Honor Military Families by Voting for 2012 Military Fatherhood Award<a href="http://on.fb.me/Ijf5UM" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ4U1WHpToopC1E5pe5RKBdwglioVnJfBqoDarrCANmQAk76U0OjLuFKA7s0XwNrfNQXyToeQ5TX6HEn6_UvOhgg88XE9gJGMuWNa7iAL2rsgLqQ4yhmhgsZlFklfy84dCFsgHr5XPkwX5/s1600/MFA_Voting-SidebarButton_01.png" /></a>
NFI's President Roland C. Warren likes to say that we unfortunately often do the least for those who do the most for us. The <a href="http://www.militaryfatherhoodaward.org/" target="_blank">Military Fatherhood Award</a>™is one way in which we try to rectify that by shining a spotlight on the military families who make sacrifices every day in the service of our country.<br />
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Every year, NFI invites the military community to submit nominations for military dads who demonstrate four qualities: ongoing commitment and dedication to their children, extraordinary effort to father from a distance during military separation, successfully balancing military life and family life, mentoring and strengthening other military fathers or military children who are separated from their fathers.<br />
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This year we received over 450 nominations from wives, children, family members, and colleagues. Our panel of judges had the very difficult task of narrowing this outstanding pool of nominees down to three finalists. Now that the three finalists have been identified, we're turning to the American public to help us choose this year's Awardee by <a href="http://on.fb.me/Ijf5UM" target="_blank">voting on Facebook</a>. The Award will be presented to the finalist with the most votes in a
special ceremony near Father's Day held near the finalist's base. <br />
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<a href="http://on.fb.me/Ijf5UM" target="_blank">Please take a minute to watch these three short videos created by the finalist families and cast your vote on Facebook.</a> I promise it will put a smile on your face to see these beautiful, happy children talk about how much they love their dads and share what their dads do to be great fathers every day.<br />
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Before you do... here's a brief introduction to our three finalists:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgELm6eBl5ibhedJboj7-lnndwiQxQGJh9qcrgeJQcPZHiOBTN7vldSYrez0FHL-q9am0jHeVXcSR_KBs1EwVkwp7jpPUvSdHZWKCuI8gAOcZyLTnmg3cDexsZNpWNLtoJ3eTbBM7r9K5gq/s1600/Edwards-Family-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgELm6eBl5ibhedJboj7-lnndwiQxQGJh9qcrgeJQcPZHiOBTN7vldSYrez0FHL-q9am0jHeVXcSR_KBs1EwVkwp7jpPUvSdHZWKCuI8gAOcZyLTnmg3cDexsZNpWNLtoJ3eTbBM7r9K5gq/s200/Edwards-Family-4.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b>First Lieutenant William Edwards</b>, U.S. Army<br />
<i>Currently serving at Fort Jackson, South Carolina</i><br />
<i>Father of four children</i><br />
<br />
<a href="http://on.fb.me/Ijf5UM" target="_blank">View Lt. Edwards' video and vote >></a><br />
<a href="http://bit.ly/JAjjUP" target="_blank">Read Lt. Edwards' nomination >></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnJPxX33XzCy4uFG17Wyl76Io8-vtpQJgGmFDeDDUC_QQg_pcxxM1u-PwjryJgK4SkWwAFd1TP7wJo7X9wLjzJ9wX9rIfw_PKrZLFRZaPYW39CxHCWywJLOyhAQoVcdRwxB_V5G0aRD2kr/s1600/Jackson-family-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnJPxX33XzCy4uFG17Wyl76Io8-vtpQJgGmFDeDDUC_QQg_pcxxM1u-PwjryJgK4SkWwAFd1TP7wJo7X9wLjzJ9wX9rIfw_PKrZLFRZaPYW39CxHCWywJLOyhAQoVcdRwxB_V5G0aRD2kr/s200/Jackson-family-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b>Senior Airman Jonathan Jackson</b>, U.S. Air Force<br />
<i>Currently serving at Travis Air
Force Base, California</i><br />
<i>Father of two children</i><br />
<br />
<a href="http://on.fb.me/Ijf5UM" target="_blank">View SrA Jackson's video and vote</a><br />
<a href="http://bit.ly/HNQMjF" target="_blank">Read SrA Jackson's nomination >></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitQAVO1GyaAeF1gupBGH-OySTjE3Y26d0tQwUXX3LhYNiUO7e-2NaqI9lwikxA50PBwmrOYB6vSuk4zvQ536wmK7d4VOvmLwSFCCx8QrbntetyGQmR41OvbguApZf0OjBlQdgdM5qYrHeJ/s1600/Kelly-family-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitQAVO1GyaAeF1gupBGH-OySTjE3Y26d0tQwUXX3LhYNiUO7e-2NaqI9lwikxA50PBwmrOYB6vSuk4zvQ536wmK7d4VOvmLwSFCCx8QrbntetyGQmR41OvbguApZf0OjBlQdgdM5qYrHeJ/s200/Kelly-family-4.jpg" width="173" /></a></div>
<b>Lieutenant Dennis Kelly</b>, U.S. Navy<br />
<i>Currently serving at Camp Pendleton, California</i><br />
<i>Father of five children</i><br />
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<a href="http://on.fb.me/Ijf5UM" target="_blank">View Lt. Kelly's video and vote >></a><br />
<a href="http://bit.ly/I3Yioy" target="_blank">Read Lt. Kelly's nomination >></a> <br />
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Voting is open until May 20 and you can vote once every 24 hours, so come back every day to help your favorite finalist win.<br />
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In a day when so much attention is focused on the problems created by bad or absent fathers, we love to lift up great dads as role models and symbols of hope. These three dads are not only great fathers, but they are serving our country while remaining committed to their wives and children. Through them, we honor all military fathers and say "thanks" to the families who sacrifice every day for our nation.<br />
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<a href="http://on.fb.me/Ijf5UM" target="_blank">Vote now for the 2012 Military Fatherhood Award finalists >></a><br />
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<a href="http://on.fb.me/Ijf5UM" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="97" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJqiNX72X2aLH5UB-NY2KgRmOcy3z7He0xFK4sJb51jYny9aDX-3mX5NMz_lrdIxGUECszDV2yhyPFRrG0t7XXFjNbpx2ZglmXDAhVF-IgsceuSwNEP_LMNOdpB6YMjzCbUTPlECHQdAN5/s400/MFA_Voting-Emailheader_01.png" width="400" /></a></div>Renae Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09125834095032105169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-17591176636135519232012-04-27T13:08:00.000-04:002012-04-27T13:08:12.656-04:00The Huggies Conversation Continues...As regular readers of The Father Factor know, NFI recently played a key part in a firestorm of social media commentary that led Huggies to respond to the complaints of dads and modify an ad campaign to portray dads more positively. (If you missed it, check out our <a href="http://bit.ly/wVLOmk">blog post rebuking Huggies for their original campaign</a> and the second <a href="http://bit.ly/wNXTGS">blog post applauding them for listening to the feedback of dads</a>.)<br />
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The conversation about how brands and organizations can effectively reach out to dads - and why it's important for them to do so - continues. Vince DiCaro, NFI's Vice President of Development and Communication, was NFI's voice in the Huggies "debacle." The National Diaper Bank Network invited Vince to share NFI's thoughts on the important role that dads play. As we've frequently noted, calling on men specifically as fathers, and not just parents (which is often interpreted as a <a href="http://bit.ly/GT5Goa">code word for "mothers"</a>) is key to welcoming them into the conversation. Vince elaborates on that and other ways and reasons to engage dads.<br />
<br /><a href="http://bit.ly/InSs3m">Read what he shared with The National Diaper Bank Network in his guest blog post "Today's Dads Can Help Close The 'Diaper Gap'" </a><br />
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<br />Renae Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09125834095032105169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-23433583163463226242012-04-27T10:38:00.000-04:002012-04-27T10:38:37.375-04:00Guest Post: So, Dad, Did YOU Earn a 4.0?<i>This is a guest post from Dennis Trittin, a money manager, educator, and mentor committed to helping young people reach their full potential</i><i>. Dennis is the author of <a href="http://www.dennistrittin.com/thebook.aspx">What I Wish I Knew at 18: Life Lessons for the Road Ahead</a>. He and his wife Jeanne have two children.</i> <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglOfv5QjV8eT7eIHGOwb1c80GA6cj62So51d8Bi_fMxTovFgRtkpT9EPIosE0HTlBMrmkqUO9X7MBDguJoFRP19gyGP3512rrwsSEh2179EF8HzRU0NYiJPKxkN82v1h5LmGyoK3aJV7IW/s1600/Dennis_Trittin_01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglOfv5QjV8eT7eIHGOwb1c80GA6cj62So51d8Bi_fMxTovFgRtkpT9EPIosE0HTlBMrmkqUO9X7MBDguJoFRP19gyGP3512rrwsSEh2179EF8HzRU0NYiJPKxkN82v1h5LmGyoK3aJV7IW/s1600/Dennis_Trittin_01.jpg" /></a>One of the most defining moments in any dad’s life is when his children “leave the nest.” It’s a time of reflection and anticipation…and <i>conviction</i> about how well you prepared them for success in life. For you younger dads, just wait! <br /><br />The first time it happened to me, it literally changed my life. It was August, 2008, two weeks before our Michael would head for his freshman year of college. It was then I experienced an unforgettable “dad moment.” I found myself asking one profound question after another: How had I done as his father? Did I cover the bases? How will our relationship change and grow? <i>Did <b>I</b> earn a 4.0?</i> Yikes!<br /><br />Honestly, I felt so convicted by these questions that I rushed to my computer and began to list all of the life wisdom from the amazing leaders I’ve met in life. Fundamental questions like how one defines success and demonstrates honorable character. Or, how one builds strong relationships and communicates well with others. Or, how one handles adversity and becomes a masterful decision maker and time manager. Then, I turned to the key upcoming decisions he’ll face, like his academic transition, his career strategy, choosing a spouse, and managing his finances. My mind was bombarded!<br /><br />In one sitting, I developed a list of 100 life success pointers! <br /><br />So, how do you earn a 4.0 in preparing your children to thrive as adults? In a nutshell, an empowered and successful father focuses on the following:<br />
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<li><i>Destinational Preparation</i>: providing a comprehensive vision for an honorable and productive life and before-the-fact wisdom for key upcoming decisions </li>
<li><i>Relational Preparation</i>: evolving your parenting style from “control” to “influence,” based on mutual trust; demonstrating your unbridled belief in them and confidently “letting them go”</li>
<li><i>Transitional Preparation</i>: ensuring they get off to a strong start in those critical first 3-6 months after leaving home; helping them avoid common “derailers” such as impatience in making new friends, excessive stress, lack of study disciplines, and engaging in harmful activities</li>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMipswQgH156TYuP_F-ZAsFqOa460kgxnW_fXLZLCsOJy79nBefWtxsiZDOQ88jgEmrF5Da7kQmfHymmRzGiKnYYF0w6QfktNBSW6QqDAW_5GhAPYx5GS1vuzGUB4WeGQ-9sqLdDgCYngC/s1600/DennisTrittin.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMipswQgH156TYuP_F-ZAsFqOa460kgxnW_fXLZLCsOJy79nBefWtxsiZDOQ88jgEmrF5Da7kQmfHymmRzGiKnYYF0w6QfktNBSW6QqDAW_5GhAPYx5GS1vuzGUB4WeGQ-9sqLdDgCYngC/s200/DennisTrittin.png" width="134" /></a>Interestingly, after sharing these ideas with several leaders, they urged me to turn it into a conversational book of essential life wisdom for young people and the adults who guide them…like fathers! My book, <i>What I Wish I Knew at 18: Life Lessons for the Road Ahead</i>, is an invaluable, third party voice for parents and a rare book they can enjoy together with their teens (when they don’t always listen!). <br /><br />I hope <i>What I Wish I Knew at 18</i> can serve you as a destination guide for your children’s milestone launches into adulthood. <br /><br /><i>More information on <a href="http://www.dennistrittin.com/thebook.aspx">What I Wish I Knew at 18</a> can be found on <a href="http://www.dennistrittin.com/">www.dennistrittin.com</a>, and the book is available on <a href="http://www.atlasbooks.com/marktplc/03217.htm">Atlas Books</a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/What-Wish-Knew-18-Lessons/dp/0983252602">Amazon</a>, and in bookstores. </i>Renae Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09125834095032105169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-65315702426275183412012-04-10T09:07:00.007-04:002012-04-10T09:24:30.146-04:00Guest Post: How I Taught My Daughter To Fight<span style="font-style: italic;">This is a guest blog post by best-selling author Brad Meltzer on his just-released book, </span>Heroes for My Daughter.<br /><br />I was sleeping. Soundly. And then my pregnant wife shook me awake.<br /><br />“I think the baby’s coming,” she told me. It was four in the morning. “Go back to bed,” I pleaded. “It’s too early.” God bless my wife, she actually tried to go back to bed. But my little unborn daughter had her own ideas. Believe me when I say, that wouldn’t be the last time.<br /><br />At the hospital, the instant I saw my daughter for the first time, my heart doubled in size. My own mother told me at the time, “Now you’ll understand how I love you.”<br /><br />After giving us a few moments with her, the nurses did their usual weighing and measuring, and then said they wanted to whisk her off for her first bath. “I’m coming with you,” I told them, determined to protect her. They smiled that smile they save for new parents and reassured me, “She’ll be fine. We have her.”<br /><br />But as I looked down at my beautiful, teeny, amazing daughter…c’mon… No way was I ever letting her out of my sight. Thankfully, the nurses put up with me, and let me pretend I was some old parental veteran as I helped give my daughter her first bath. Later, as I sat there, rocking in the rocking chair they gave me and holding her close, I still remember all the dreams I was dreaming for her.<br /><br />I didn’t want just one thing for my daughter. I wanted everything. If she needed strength, I wanted her to be strong. If she saw someone hurting, I wanted her to find the compassion to help. If there was a problem, big or small, that no one could solve, I wanted her to have every available skill - ingenuity, empathy, creativity, perseverance - so she could attack that problem in a way that no one else on this entire planet had ever fathomed. And that would be her greatest gift: That no one - and I mean no one - would ever be exactly like my Lila.<br /><br />I still believe that. I do. I’m a mushy dad. And it was in those first moments of blind idealism and unbridled naïveté that I resolved to write a book for her.<br /><br />Yes, I’d been down this road before. I started a similar book on the night my son was born. The goal was to write this book over the course of my children’s lives - that I’d fill it with all the advice they needed to be good people. I began that night:<br />1. Love God.<br /> 2. Help the kids who need it.<br /><br />My plan was to add more ideas as she grew older, and eventually, on the day when I presented this book to her, she’d realize I was indeed the greatest father of all time (I had a parade planned for myself as well).<br /><br />Thankfully, during your first few years, I realized my cliché, self-important plan was just that. It hit me after thinking about my own life and after my friend Simon Sinek told me this amazing story about the Wright Brothers: Every time Orville and Wilbur Wright went out to fly their plane, they would bring extra materials for multiple crashes. That way, when they crashed, they could rebuild the plane and try again. Think of that for a moment: every time they went out - every time - they knew they were going to fail. But that’s what they did: Crash and rebuild. Crash and rebuild. And that’s why they finally took off.<br /><br />I love that story. I wanted my daughter to hear that story. I wanted my sons to hear that story. I wanted everyone in this world to know that if you dream big…and work hard…and have a good side-order of stubbornness…you can do anything in this world.<br /><br />Soon after, my new plan was born. I wouldn’t give my kids a book of rules. I’d give them a book of heroes. And in that, I’d give them absolute proof that anything is possible.<br /><br />Following birth order, I first wrote <span style="font-style: italic;">Heroes for My Son</span>, which was published two years ago. At the time, I was simultaneously writing the book for my daughter, and not just because my daughter kept coming up to my office and demanding, “Where’s my book?” (which she did). Over the past six years, as I began my collection of heroes, I always knew I’d have to split them between a book for my sons and a book for my daughter.<br /><br />For that reason, I worked hard to divide the heroes equally. My son got more male heroes; my daughter got more female (in the exact same ratio, down to the exact percentage, so there’d be no arguing about which “side” was better).<br /><br />Think I’m nuts? Wait till you have more than one kid. Like Switzerland, my parental goal was to keep all parties neutral, so all my children would feel equal love, equal respect, equal life lessons. Am I insane? I have three kids. Of course I’m insane. But (to steal my mother’s phrase), for those three little blessings, I’d saw off my own arm. And so, feeling like a 21st-century parent (so progressive I couldn’t even see, much less acknowledge, gender differences), I began to write these two equal books filled with equally amazing heroes.<br /><br />But here’s the thing. Along the way, something happened.<br /><br />When I handed in the manuscript for my daughter’s book, the editor came back with a surprising reply. She noticed that I kept overusing one word throughout the manuscript.<br /><br />What word?<br /><br />Fighter.<br /><br />By her count, fourteen of the fifty profiles had the word “fight” or “fighter” in it.<br /><br />As she pointed out, “Some of them, like Abigail Adams, Winston Churchill, Hannah Senesh, Thurgood Marshall, were literally fighters, so of course the term should stay there.” But I also used it with Audrey Hepburn, Helen Keller, Teddy Roosevelt, Nancy Brinker…even with Lisa Simpson and the Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama! Even in the pacifist, I sought a fighter. And yes, that probably highlights my lack of descriptive ability. But it also raises a vital question.<br /><br />Why?<br /><br />After years of trying to keep this book for my daughter perfectly equal to the book for my sons - after years of trying to teach them the exact same lessons - why did I focus so intently on making sure that my daughter knew how to fight? Why did I keep using that word? Why, subconsciously or not, was that the lesson I kept coming back to?<br /><br />It’s not a complex answer. Part of it’s because I’m still trying to protect her (even if I don’t like to admit it). Indeed, when my daughter was three, and first learning to swim, she used to jump in the pool, sink down to the bottom, and then pop up and shout, with a huge grin on her face, “I’m okay!” We used to laugh at it, especially as it became her personal catchphrase every time she went underwater: I’m okay! I’m okay! I’m okay!<br /><br />But looking back, why did Lila keep yelling, I’m okay? Because someone (read: me) kept asking, “Are you okay?”<br /><br />Yet the other part of the answer is because my dreams for my daughter today are different than the ones on the day she was born. Sure, I still want everything for her. I always will. But - and I’m just being honest here - I do want my daughter to learn how to fight.<br /><br />It’s the dream that links every single hero I picked out. In this book for my daughter, every hero is a fighter. And as I tell my daughter, no matter what stage of life you’re in, when you want something - no matter how impossible it seems - you need to fight for it. When you believe in something, fight for it. And when you see injustice, fight harder than you’ve ever fought before.<br /><br />To see the results, I picked out the story of Marie Curie, who never stopped pushing science forward, even when she was dying from the radiation she was studying…or the Three Stooges (yes, laugh if you want), who were the first ones to make fun of Adolf Hitler onscreen, nearly two years before Pearl Harbor…or the story of Billie Jean King, who challenged (and beat!) the pig-headed man who told her that women were weaker than men.<br /><br />Women are not weaker. It was perhaps the most important lesson in there. I needed my daughter to hear that: Women are not weaker. They are just as strong, just as resolute, just as creative, and are filled with just as much potential as any man. Yes, as her father, my instinct is to protect her (like that first day with the nurses). Other people will want to protect her too. But she needs to know that she is not a damsel in distress, waiting for some prince to rescue her. Forget the prince. With her brain and her resourcefulness, she can rescue herself. And when she has her doubts - as we all inevitably do - she’d have this book, full of people who were wracked with just as much fear, but who also found the internal strength to overcome it.<br /><br />From Amelia Earhart, to Teddy Roosevelt, to every person I picked, she’d have the stories of women and men who were no different from any of us. We may lionize them and put them on pedestals. But never forget this: No one is born a hero. Every person I picked for my daughter had moments where they were scared and terrified. Like you. Like me. So how did they achieve what they achieved? Because whatever their dreams were, big or small - for their country, for their family, or even for themselves - they never stopped fighting for what they loved.<br /><br />We all are who we are, until that moment when we strive for something greater.<br /><br />Is that schmaltzy and naïve? I hope so. Because I wanted my daughter to learn those things too.<br /><br />As for the most important hero in the book, yes, I included my wife. And my grandmother. But for me, the most vital hero is my mother, Teri Meltzer, who died from breast cancer three years ago. On the day my publisher was shutting down, and no one was there to take over my contract, I thought I was watching my career deteriorate. So I called my Mom and told her how scared I was. She told me, “I'd love you if you were a garbage man.” It wasn't anything she practiced. Those were just her honest feelings in that moment. And to this day, every day I sit down to write, I say those words to myself, soaking in the purity of my Mom's love. I’d love you if you were a garbage man. My hero.<br /><br />Yet for you, dear reader, the most important page in my daughter’s book is the last one, because it's blank. It says “Your Hero’s Photo Here” and “Your Hero’s Story Here.” And I promise you, you take a photo of your Mom, or Grandparent, or teacher, or a military member of your family, and you put their picture in there, and write one sentence of what they mean to you; that will be the most beautiful page in <span style="font-style: italic;">Heroes For My Daughter</span>. And the best present we can give all our children: the reminder that it is indeed ordinary people who change the world. That’s way stronger than any upper-cut.<br /><br />Today, my gift is complete. I’ve finished my daughter’s book. The book is my dream for her. And when my daughter has doubts, there is strength in the book. When she’s ready to give up, there’s motivation inside. And when she has questions, there are answers inside. But I hope, as every hero proves, the best answers will always come from what’s within herself.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Brad Meltzer is the #1 bestselling author of </span>The Inner Circle<span style="font-style: italic;"> and the host of </span>“Brad Meltzer’s Decoded”<span style="font-style: italic;"> on the History Channel. </span>Heroes For My Daughter<span style="font-style: italic;"> will be published April 10th.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">This article originally appeared in </span>Spirit Magazine<span style="font-style: italic;"> by Southwest Airlines.</span>Vincent DiCarohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00648582612426907582noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-40978533304139461262012-04-06T09:01:00.005-04:002012-04-06T09:53:12.139-04:00The Hunger Games... Or, Trying to Get a Two-Year-Old to Eat<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZtGDCFsfoi1Hqxm2nKcd8cXlNr5t1ms5ItDYcbnsh22iz-sGr3RHMaodSPRZEQA2rmDDKh_cXFO3Y-7nXM_RRmLDZ-JKr5Ydcf2YHD5bH8DtOm0WN-qpQ332nJ_eq2W1sXX6VhTGz5aEE/s1600/vinny_eats.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZtGDCFsfoi1Hqxm2nKcd8cXlNr5t1ms5ItDYcbnsh22iz-sGr3RHMaodSPRZEQA2rmDDKh_cXFO3Y-7nXM_RRmLDZ-JKr5Ydcf2YHD5bH8DtOm0WN-qpQ332nJ_eq2W1sXX6VhTGz5aEE/s200/vinny_eats.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5728285263435965682" border="0" /></a>I have a two-year-old. Which means I spend most of the day worried that he is suffering from malnutrition as a result of eating nothing but ketchup for the last two days.<br /><br />Apparently, two-year-olds are notoriously picky eaters. According to <a href="http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/feeding-infants-toddlers/feeding-picky-eater-17-tips">this article</a>, "being a picky eater is part of what it means to be a toddler." That makes me feel a little bit better about my son's desire to eat pancake syrup, but not pancakes.<br /><br />In all seriousness (too late!), it is a challenge and a stressor for my wife and I to make sure our son is getting the nutrition he needs. We have tried several of the tips in the above article, and some of them have worked. However, some have created comical results.<br /><br />For example, the notion of using "dips" to hide "undesirable" foods like vegetables usually results in Little Vinny dipping his vegatables in ketchup and then licking the ketchup off the vegetables. At least tomatoes are good for you...<br /><br />We have also tried to place his food on "fun," colorful plates with things like pictures of Elmo on them. The only result this often achieves is that when he angrily tosses his plate to the floor, it looks nicer as it soars through the air than if we had used a boring plate.<br /><br />But not all hope is lost. He is certainly not losing weight, nor does he lack energy or brain power. He likes carrots, rice, and some chicken. And when desperate, we can <span style="font-style: italic;">always </span>get him to eat corn chips, peanuts, or Nutella on wheat bread (maybe we should try Nutella on corn chips). And he has no problem drinking milk, water, and fruit/veggie juice. I guess I would just like to see him sitting at the dinner table with an elegant napkin tucked into his shirt eating a chicken cutlet and a mixed greens salad with fancy silver cutlery. He would also be wearing a tuxedo.<br /><br />Then I remember he is just a toddler, and there is more to his life than eating. There is pooing and sleeping, which are two things he is also terrible at. I guess I will have to blog about those next week...Vincent DiCarohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00648582612426907582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-72214723633577752822012-04-05T15:33:00.005-04:002012-04-06T08:57:53.089-04:00Loving Your Spouse More Than Your Kids<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSyNShxjiWvI7CpNg90f7t1vzaxWeTpcNftzBILiU4HfYzoAL7jU2Gayrj1a3dn_B7QeJCIcAIyd9O6Ca2Oi5-Zvw5FbS2DJwZQPe1Qtz2EF7DoBPxaqgfQkit0VcekZx-yhta5M4qlc_9/s1600/urban_kidman"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 138px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSyNShxjiWvI7CpNg90f7t1vzaxWeTpcNftzBILiU4HfYzoAL7jU2Gayrj1a3dn_B7QeJCIcAIyd9O6Ca2Oi5-Zvw5FbS2DJwZQPe1Qtz2EF7DoBPxaqgfQkit0VcekZx-yhta5M4qlc_9/s200/urban_kidman" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5728010883641070834" border="0" /></a>A few years ago, <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/27/fashion/27love.html?_r=1">Ayelet Waldman wrote an article in the New York Times about how she loves her husband more than her children</a>. It caused quite an uproar in the community of moms who called her a "bad mother" (and a lot worse) because of this.<br /><br />Well, it's happened again, but this time, it is a dad saying he loves his wife more than his children. It also happens to be a very famous married couple, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman. Urban recently revealed in an interview that he loves Nicole more than their two children. To do justice to what he said, I have copied the entire quote here:<br /><br />"We're very, very tight as a family unit and the children are our life, but I know the order of my love. It's my wife and then my daughters. I just think it's really important for the kids...There are too many parents who start to lose the plot a little and start to give all their love to the kids, and then the partner starts to go without. And then everybody loses. As a kid, all I needed to know was that my parents were solid. Kids shouldn't feel like they are being favoured. It's a dangerous place."<br /><br />Urban may not even realize it, but what he said is incredibly profound. His family is in Australia, so things may be different there, but here in the U.S., we have become so child-centered that you are attacked when you make such statements (Editor's note: I realize this sentence can be misconstrued. Being child-centered is great. The point is that the most child-centered thing you can do is have a great marriage. So maybe "child-centeredness" is not the problem as much as "anti-marriageness" is). Some respondents to Urban's statement suggested that it is inappropriate to not love your own flesh and blood more than your spouse.<br /><br />But research seems to back Urban's mentality. Generally speaking, the most important relationship in the home is the one between mom and dad. As Urban states, if their relationship fails, everyone loses. While we don't yet have research that shows specifically that marriages in which the spouses love each other more than the kids produce "better kids," we do know that kids who grow up in married homes do better, on average, across every measure of child well-being. We also know that divorce is not good for children. We also know that parents who are married to each other are closer to each other <span style="font-style: italic;">and</span> to their kids than parents in any other family structure. Put that all together, and what Urban says looks pretty good.<br /><br />Back in 2005, <a href="http://bit.ly/HX7poL">Ms. Waldman appeared on Oprah</a> to defend this notion of loving one's spouse more than one's children. <a href="http://bit.ly/HX7poL">Our very own president, Roland Warren, was on the show to affirm her position</a>. It was very much her (and Roland) against the world. None of the moms on the show agreed with them. But I would ask those who are angered by this notion if they have "checked it" with their children. As Urban so eloquently states above, the only thing that mattered to him was that his parents were "solid." That is where children get their sense of identity and stability from.<br /><br />So, when we dote on our kids at the expense of our spouse, are we doing so because we <span style="font-style: italic;">know</span> our kids want that, or are we really just fulfilling our own selfish needs? After all, it is "easier" to love a child, who typically loves you back without question. Things are messier with adults and they take more work.<br /><br />So, before we jump on the Ayelet Waldmans and Keith Urbans of the world, let's at least consider this question from the perspective of what kids really need.<br /><br />What do you think? Who do you love more, your spouse or kids?Vincent DiCarohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00648582612426907582noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-56436880180954037142012-03-26T13:09:00.003-04:002012-03-26T13:24:50.163-04:00Parenting is Still a Code Word for “Mothering”<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-OqyWwd-3vgEubTtsLJTG59zWXvTs1Ko7wyTMfFPtJ1rEfm9RT6-bSXNKio5me0XfQ34MsarBIeWvtyW0hsXgN88M2t4a6tJabJBFLP3hB2VlvG1BLKOK7zMVSNTDB0GBWsmvv-IDRIqb/s1600/parenting.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 55px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-OqyWwd-3vgEubTtsLJTG59zWXvTs1Ko7wyTMfFPtJ1rEfm9RT6-bSXNKio5me0XfQ34MsarBIeWvtyW0hsXgN88M2t4a6tJabJBFLP3hB2VlvG1BLKOK7zMVSNTDB0GBWsmvv-IDRIqb/s200/parenting.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5724258010337823378" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">This post was authored by Chris Brown, NFI's Executive Vice President.</span><br /><br />I’ve been involved in promoting involved, responsible, committed fatherhood for more than a decade in my role at NFI (and for several years prior to that with the Texas Department of State Health). Although I’ve seen a lot of movement in this country in general and among service providers specifically to recognize the indispensable role fathers play in raising healthy children, I am still amazed when I see evidence of how much more work we still have to do to help people realize that we must "call out" dads specifically rather than simply as part of the monolithic group of parents.<br /><br />I am even more amazed when I see that some of the most well-known icons in our culture treat dads as second-class parents and, worse, incompetent parents as you might have read recently in <a href="http://thefatherfactor.blogspot.com/2012/03/so-easy-even-dad-can-do-it.html">this blog about the dad-bashing Huggies® commercials</a> that were revised by the company only after <a href="http://thefatherfactor.blogspot.com/2012/03/huggies-working-to-clean-up-diaper-mess.html">backlash from dads and NFI</a>. But I digress.<br /><br />One of the most successful parenting programs in the world is called Triple-P Positive Parenting®. Developed by a group of researchers in Australia more than 30 years ago, the program has ample evidence that it helps parents to be, well, better parents. Based on this evidence, the program has expanded across the globe with offices in several countries that are dedicated to spreading the program in those domestic markets. Only recently, however, has the program been examined for separate affects on mothers and fathers, and this is where the story becomes interesting.<br /><br />Researchers in Australia published a study in a recent edition of the American journal, <span style="font-style: italic;">Fathering</span>, that found that Triple-P is—surprise, surprise—more effective with mothers than fathers. This study of nearly 5,000 parents who participated in the program found a large, positive effect on mothers’ parenting and a much smaller albeit positive effect on fathers’ parenting.<br /><br />What struck me most, however, was the following finding: only 14 percent of the participating parents were fathers. The real problem here is not so much with the program or its impact—although I would certainly like to see it have the same degree of impact on fathers—it is with the lack of outreach and promotion to get fathers in the door. The Australian government spent more than $5 million to train facilitators in the program to, basically, train moms under the illusion that it would reach both sets of parents.<br /><br />To be fair, the study found that even when the dad didn’t participate and the mom did, the program reduced the conflict between the couple which, no doubt, improved their parenting. And I have no doubt that the facilitators and the organizations they work for made some attempt to recruit dads into the program. But this is the same problem I see over and over again—a lack of commitment in our culture generally and among service providers specifically to call out dads as dads and not as parents.<br /><br />Trust me when I say, “Parenting is a code word for ‘mothering.’” Until recently, <span style="font-style: italic;">Parenting</span> magazine's tagline was “What Matters to Moms” (they changed the tagline but not the emphasis on moms). <span style="font-style: italic;">The New York Times</span> parenting blog is called Motherlode.<br /><br />One of the best ways to make this call to dads is with marketing strategies and materials designed specifically to reach fathers about programs specifically designed for fathers, such as <a href="https://store.fatherhood.org/c-2-247-dad.aspx">NFI’s 24/7 Dad™ program</a>. Simply making parenting programs “father-friendly” won’t do. I realize that statement might make some folks wriggle in their chair and, perhaps, stand up and shake their finger in disapproval. But also trust me when I say that based on nearly 20 years experience in helping organizations to make this call that it makes a huge difference in showing dads they matter as first-class parents, that they are competent parents.<br /><br />Dads absolutely appreciate a program that addresses their unique needs because it makes them a better parent. Moreover, it helps service providers to recruit and retain fathers in programs specifically designed to help them be better dads, which, ultimately, helps us to achieve our ultimate goal of improving the lives of children.<br /><br />Isn’t that what parenting is all about?Vincent DiCarohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00648582612426907582noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-83184199543032462022012-03-15T15:24:00.006-04:002012-03-15T16:00:33.083-04:00Are Dads Really Clueless About Their Own Health?<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wPNlWlDdZh8/T2JDZ2jgQqI/AAAAAAAAAKg/0MhYRKa2Zu0/s1600/familytable_grey.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 133px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wPNlWlDdZh8/T2JDZ2jgQqI/AAAAAAAAAKg/0MhYRKa2Zu0/s200/familytable_grey.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5720208588134171298" /></a>I was doing some browsing on the Web when I came across a <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-katz-md/men-health_b_1339815.html">blog entry</a> from Dr. David Katz, founder of Yale University’s Prevention Research Center. The entry focused on the fact that men, especially fathers, need to turn a deeper focus on health and weight control. At NFI, we’ve made several references to the importance of health in men throughout our variety of <a href="http://www.fatherhood.org/fathers/how-to-be-a-dad/health-and-safety">resources and content</a>. However, the doctor’s blog featured a few sentences that made me question just how thickheaded are men about getting healthy.<br /><br />“We know that women are the guardians of the family health. We know that women, wives, mothers tend to do the heavy lifting when it comes to medical care, preventive services and diet,” said Dr. Katz in his blog, no doubt sharing a sentiment long shared by many. However, I grew up around men like my grandfathers and uncles who were always on top of their health. I’m particularly worrisome about my own health for a variety of reasons, some of which are hereditary. <br /><br />Much like the meme going around that fathers are clueless when it comes to <a href="http://thefatherfactor.blogspot.com/2012/03/so-easy-even-dad-can-do-it.html">caring for their babies</a>, a lot of archaic notions about men continue to be perpetuated. I became especially aware of my health needs after becoming a father. In fact, my peers who became dads all followed suit. How some of us arrived to that point was actually simple: taking care of children is taxing! I remember feeling like everything was hurting while running after my toddler, saying to my doctor that I needed to feel whole again.<br /><br />I do get Dr. Katz’s overall point. As a father of five children and the editor-in-chief of the medical journal Childhood Obesity, he has an obligation to preach to the masses the importance of health. His blog was more so a call to fathers to set better examples for their children. I truly enjoyed his stance on saying that men who find working out and eating better to be feminine traits are acting “un-guy like” – slamming the notion that men can eat and do whatever they want without repercussions. <br /><br />Dr. Katz is simply urging dads to eat better so their kids will too. The rapid rise in stroke risks in children between the ages of 5 and 14 attributed to obesity is unacceptable. The old adage “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” certainly applies in this case. Good health has to start somewhere, and fathers have a responsibility to lead by example.<br /><br />I may not have been exposed to many men or fathers who were reluctant about staying healthy, but I do know we can all do better in providing a pathway to healthier living for our children by starting with ourselves.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-55705717557351629992012-03-14T15:36:00.006-04:002012-03-20T09:03:02.484-04:00No Child Beauty Pageants For My Daughter, Please<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-83m5If5ViwY/T2EBiyrsiyI/AAAAAAAAAKU/T_OgbefQfz4/s1600/pagdad.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 112px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-83m5If5ViwY/T2EBiyrsiyI/AAAAAAAAAKU/T_OgbefQfz4/s200/pagdad.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5719854698969467682" border="0" /></a>Reality television is literally like a train wreck. On some shows, one can witness the worst in human behavior, yet people still watch faithfully. There have even been “viewing parties” held during some of the more popular programs, a fact that still baffles me to this day. <br /><br />One such program I had the displeasure of watching was controversial TLC show “Toddlers & Tiaras,” which profiles child beauty pageant contestants and their families. Already in its fifth season since premiering in 2009, the show is popular for all the wrong reasons.<br /><br />The mothers of the young pageant contestants all push their girls, some young as two, to emotional and physical limits. They parade the little girls around in makeup, big hairdos, and even bathing suits. In the few times I’ve watched the show, I’ve never seen a father be involved in the shenanigans. As a father of a daughter, it troubles me to see little girls be put through the rigors of a pageant. I wondered often if the fathers are in the lives of the girls and how they felt about seeing their child in that light.<br /><br />Perhaps I have a narrow male perspective but there is something limiting in this preemie beauty pageant nonsense that suggests the only goals these mothers have for their little girls is a life of preening and primping. I don’t see how a beauty pageant, especially at such young ages, promotes anything other than vanity. I would be appalled to watch the mother of my child force her to do something that adds such little value to her life.<br /><br />I’m not alone in this thinking, as recent news suggests that the trend of child pageants teeters close to indecency. In France, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/%20http://www.fatherhood.org/dad-news/articles/france-bans-child-beauty-contests">lawmakers have banned</a> child beauty pageants; this after a 10-year old girl was featured on the cover of Vogue Paris in attire not fit for a child. I don’t know if such a ban could happen here but I’m taking a stand for fathers who would rather see other ideals promoted in their little girls. Beauty and fashion are fine things to aspire towards, but what message does this ultimately send?<br /><br />Just this week, the father of JonBenet Ramsey, the murdered beauty pageant contestant, <a href="http://www.fatherhood.org/dad-news/articles/jonbenet-ramsey-dad-regrets-pageants">came forward</a> this week and called the Toddlers & Tiaras show “bizzare” although he allowed his child to participate. Reading his story, John Ramsey showed serious regret in letting his daughter enter the contests. I am in no way suggesting that JonBenet’s participation in these events led to her passing. Instead, I am glad to see one father finally speak up against the practice.<br /><br />I happen to think my daughter is beautiful and worthy of being a supermodel should she choose that life as she gets older. For now, she has a lot of growing up to do and I’m in no rush to speed her down that path. Fathers, it’s ok to speak up for your little girls in cases like this. We have to protect our princesses any way we can.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-90224420883831309222012-03-14T09:15:00.004-04:002012-03-14T10:31:01.628-04:00Fatherhood: An Act of Valor that Takes Zeal and Knowledge<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUtwP-ksP2deX2mzU47oPbXTy88yVmqiDVtZUtKqkrYl7_EW0YblKWQydJrHax5j_uvlEHrtumP44F3jX4xfOIINlHsoGy9qIiv9d2syKO-30uuC_8EZ8PhrB2w-qtat6NmfA3QSU_PE6H/s1600/actsofvalor.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 112px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUtwP-ksP2deX2mzU47oPbXTy88yVmqiDVtZUtKqkrYl7_EW0YblKWQydJrHax5j_uvlEHrtumP44F3jX4xfOIINlHsoGy9qIiv9d2syKO-30uuC_8EZ8PhrB2w-qtat6NmfA3QSU_PE6H/s200/actsofvalor.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5719752929978741394" border="0" /></a>Last night, Justin, my 26 year old son and I were having a conversation about how father absence is affecting his generation. He told me that many of his friends who grew up without fathers are very committed to being good dads. However, he offered that they don’t know how to be good fathers. He said that they have “zeal without knowledge.”<br /><br />Zeal is an old English word that you don’t hear often these days, especially from a 26 year old. But, it’s a concept that is very contemporary because it means to have an intensity for a cause, an eager desire and enthusiastic diligence. Alas, there is zeal aplenty in our culture today, so having a bit of it for fatherhood is certainly a good thing. That said, I think that my son was on to something by linking zeal with knowledge. Here’s why…<br /><br />Early in the week, I spoke at an event and when I finished a guy about Justin’s age approached me. He told me that he had grown up without a father and he recently had gotten married and was going to be a father soon. He then got a very strange look on this face and said, “Everyone keeps telling me that I am going to be a great dad and I really want to be…But, honestly, I’m struggling with how they can know this or how I can do this… I never had a dad.”<br /><br />He had zeal without knowledge…<br /><br />So, I sent him an email with links to several of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">NFI</span>’s low cost products for new dads like, “<a href="http://store.fatherhood.org/p-105-cd-rom-when-duct-tape-wont-work.aspx">When Duct Tape Won’t Work</a>”, an interactive CD designed to improve his understanding of how to help his infant through the toddler years, and “<a href="http://store.fatherhood.org/p-88-cd-rom-247-dad-interactive.aspx">24/7 Dad Interactive</a>”, an interactive CD designed to help him with everything a good dad needs to know, from maintaining a strong relationship with mom to effectively disciplining his children.<br /><br />I was delighted that this new dad-to-be had the wherewithal to understand his problem and proactively seek help. But, frankly, I am amazed at how many dads, especially ones older than this father, will spend $50 bucks or more to watch a pay-for-view sporting event but won’t invest less than $20 for resources, like the ones that I mentioned above, to help themselves become better dads. And, some dads who will spend hours researching and drafting the perfect fantasy football roster—as if it was “real”—but would consider it a fantasy to join a small group of other dads for just an hour a week for 6 weeks and use the "<a href="http://store.fatherhood.org/c-31-new.aspx">24/7 Dad Power Hour</a>" to hone their fathering skills. Of course, these fathers say that they want to be good dads. But, discipline, not just desire, determines a dad's destiny. Indeed, they have zeal but they lack the discipline to get the knowledge.<br /><br />And, that’s a real problem. Let me give you an example to better illustrate this point.<br /><br />A few weeks ago, a movie called “<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnlPgo9TaGo">Act of Valor</a>,” which featured the heroics of real Navy Seals, hit movie theaters nationwide. The film was an instant box office hit. In fact, it was the top grossing movie during the opening weekend and continues to do well. No doubt, thousands of dads lined up to see the film. And, I can see why. Here you have a bunch of guys, many who are fathers, doing amazing things that make us proud to be Americans. Plus, lots of stuff gets blown up!<br /><br />However, here’s the interesting thing about the Navy Seals in this movie. They have zeal…lots of it. But, they also have knowledge. Why? Because a Navy Seal without both is dangerous. He’s the type of guy on the mission who would kick a door in, guns blazing, and shoot the hostages and rescue the terrorist! In fact, others in his unit can’t count on him to have their backs. So, no one wants this guy on their team. It’s too risky. They would just as soon do the mission one man short.<br /><br />So, am I saying the untrained dads are dangerous? Of course not. But, I am saying that these dads are less effective and are not prepared for the most important “mission” of their lives--raising their children. This is unacceptable. But, it is also fixable because a guy can learn to be a better dad. Accordingly, if you are a dad with zeal, like that young unprepared dad that I spoke to, I want to encourage you to do as he did. Zealously seek knowledge. Get the resources and training that you need to be the best dad that you can be. After all, being a good dad is the ultimate act of valor.Roland Warrenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03950298999478536463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-77512873987858542232012-03-13T15:11:00.006-04:002012-03-13T16:00:09.160-04:00Huggies Working to Clean Up a Diaper Mess<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbn1GFF3m_kG5cXF7wA8yPH45SjWJ8VE9WmJw73tFf8puVLwM2iNvpCJNv147jAUIZPYt8QyfxvljDNUk2I3n6DoH5Z4a7MCwoQzosfbqjBst9j2u2FDFaLZcoHTjxObYI3Jv-uYG6rkXR/s1600/HLN.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 122px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbn1GFF3m_kG5cXF7wA8yPH45SjWJ8VE9WmJw73tFf8puVLwM2iNvpCJNv147jAUIZPYt8QyfxvljDNUk2I3n6DoH5Z4a7MCwoQzosfbqjBst9j2u2FDFaLZcoHTjxObYI3Jv-uYG6rkXR/s200/HLN.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5719473947113630930" border="0" /></a>In <span style="font-style: italic;">The Godfather: Part II</span>, Michael Corleone says, "I hope they will have the decency to clear my name with the same publicity with which they now have besmirched it."<br /><br />In the spirit of those wise words, I am blogging today to follow up on a recent post I did about a Huggies ad campaign.<br /><br />On March 1, I blogged about <a href="http://thefatherfactor.blogspot.com/2012/03/so-easy-even-dad-can-do-it.html">a dad-unfriendly ad campaign from the diaper giant</a>. In that post, I accused Huggies of playing into stereotypes about fathers being less competent parents than moms, especially when it comes to changing diapers and caring for babies. We asked you, our readers, to let Huggies know what you thought about their ad, and you did, voicing your concerns on Huggies' Facebook page.<br /><br />At the time, I had no idea my blog post was part of a "movement" of daddy bloggers all over the country saying similar things, and inspiring many others to speak out, too.<br /><br />There was so much noise being made about this that Headline News contacted me on Saturday to do a <a href="http://bit.ly/ygugEE">live interview</a> on their network about my blog post and about the response from the community of dads. You can <a href="http://bit.ly/ygugEE">watch the HLN interview here.</a><br /><br />To add to the providential timing of all of this, I happened to be in Austin, TX over the weekend for a brand new conference called the <a href="http://dad2summit.com/">Dad 2.0 Summit</a>, where the very community that called Huggies out had gathered to talk about strengthening the online community of dads and strategizing on how dads and brands can work together for mutual benefit.<br /><br />This was a "perfect storm" that may indeed be a watershed moment in the "fatherhood movement" (for lack of a better term). For years, various other communities have coalesced to the point that if a brand "messes with them," they will make a big stink and force that brand to change its tune. Moms, for example, have done a great job of this, and are rightly recognized as a market force to be reckoned with. But this Huggies incident could mark the first time that the community of dads forced a major brand to change its course.<br /><br />Huggies, to their great credit, did a couple of positive things. First, they pulled one ad in the series off the air immediately. Second, they are working to change the voice overs in the other ads to make them less condescending. Third, they changed the copy on their Facebook page from "put our diapers to the ultimate test... dad" to "Have dad put Huggies to the test." Fourth, Huggies sent several staff, including executives, to the above mentioned Dad 2.0 Summit to sit down with dads one-on-one (myself included) to hear our concerns and explain what they are doing to make amends.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-belkin/huggies-pulls-diaper-ads_b_1339074.html?utm_source=Alert-blogger&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Email%2BNotifications">This Huffington Post article summarizes how this whole thing played out</a>.<br /><br />So, what's next?<br /><br />Huggies has a great opportunity to really separate itself from the pack by capitalizing on the mistake it made and the subsequent steps they have taken to fix it. Huggies is smack in the middle of the radar screen of the dad community right now, so if they do things right, they can really establish themselves as a brand that cares about and responds to fathers.<br /><br />We at National Fatherhood Initiative stand ready to afford brands <a href="http://bit.ly/x6L0gD">the opportunity to do this in a big, national way.</a><br /><br />For you, take a moment to head over to <a href="http://www.facebook.com/huggies">Huggies' Facebook page</a> and thank them for responding to dads' concerns and changing course. Continue to hold them accountable. But don't tell them Michael Corleone told you to do this...<br /><br />Let's not forget what happened here. We dads were able to accomplish something that every significant social movement has been able to accomplish. Let's keep it up!Vincent DiCarohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00648582612426907582noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-83802420238007507202012-03-12T12:02:00.007-04:002012-03-12T12:42:59.060-04:00March Madness: Friendly Competition for Dads and Kids<a href="http://www.fatherhood.org/march-dadness"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin2L2O1aPJNOFiYCZLXX9u3n1Ox6c6yTrckhOpnx5E-FuK2c20Lpxkj_XGVLa23oZwGIQzcdSCsJLW2MsWDk9CfDckCsKuzCptYQq4iGdvkEGCeagHyxXYRT_lRG__gNzQ2JlokxllY9ta/s200/MarchDadness-SidebarButton_01.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5719048317879252674" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">National Fatherhood Initiative recently launched </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://www.fatherhood.org/march-dadness">March Dadness: Tips for Coach Dad on Leading Your Team to Victory</a><span style="font-style: italic;">, inspired, of course, by the March Madness NCAA tournament. Here at the NFI office, we'll be turning in our brackets for the office pool. At home, my dad and three brothers are finalizing their brackets. I asked my dad (father of seven) to share some fathering perspectives on this annual event. Here'</span><span style="font-style: italic;">s his thoughts...</span><br /><br />March Madness is one of our favorite times of the sports year because it affords three weeks of friendly competition between my three sons and I. We're a basketball family - all my kids play it, I coach it, and we follow it on ESPN. From the Jeremy Lin sensation to Duke's buzzer beater over North Carolina to sitting in the stands watching my ten-year-old twin daughters compete on Saturday afternoons, to say we like basketball would be an understatement. This March, like every other March, we'll be filling out brackets and tracking teams en route to the Final Four and National Championship.<br /><br />As a dad, I've found this to be one of the ways to connect with my kids in a friendly, competitive environment. This works for both the teenagers still at home and those who are far from home - my 23-year-old son serving in the Air Force in Utah emails his bracket to us and calls home to join the pre- and post-game commentary. My sons are pretty competitive when it comes to researching teams as they fill out their bracket. The Monday morning <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/mensbasketball/2012-ncaa-tournament-bracket.htm">USA Today</a> newspaper with the full section on March Madness is passed around among the boys. My daughters, on the other hand, are more interested in watching the teams they like than in the bracket competition and will join their brothers around the TV at game time. (My 18-year-old daughter, however, did secretly make her own bracket last year.)<br /><br />The lesson I've learned through this is that opportunities to have positive experiences with my kids, instead of always being in the mode of correcting attitudes and behavior, are valuable. Finding common interests and spending time together is important to building relationships, communicating love and value, and balancing the times when discipline and correction are required as a parent. It doesn't have to be basketball to successfully build an enjoyable experience between father and sons and daughters, but events that can be looked forward to and reoccur on a periodic basis (like March Madness) become a lifelong memory and something that both dads and kids can anticipate.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Dads, if you want to institute a family March Madness competition with your kids, download a bracket <a href="http://i.usatoday.net/sports/college/mensbasketball/Men_NCAA_2012_printable.pdf">here</a>. Sign-up for the <a href="http://www.fatherhood.org/dademail">Dad E-mail </a>to get our latest <a href="http://www.fatherhood.org/march-dadness">March Dadness</a> updates!</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.fatherhood.org/march-dadness"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 97px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib8NRKouefAiVK53c1AI9ilPuBDxoyRCnVZ8gsX_G8r2XMAH1TyIAlyVrUXqYEwwZIsLfmRn5XJYbq5IF_Fr1UBS73su6dv49-uol6UZ3pLJFtl8pypJvDHvhdUxFhN4vRup7QpTdBvUsI/s400/MarchDadness-Emailheader_01.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5719049526675505394" border="0" /></a>Renae Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09125834095032105169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-32307837564222930692012-03-09T16:05:00.004-05:002012-03-20T09:03:24.725-04:00Devoted And Heroic Dads Should Inspire Us All<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-prQdf5PIZ9g/T1pz4WXm_vI/AAAAAAAAAKI/q7Rtgt41lTg/s1600/Holding%2BHands.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 184px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-prQdf5PIZ9g/T1pz4WXm_vI/AAAAAAAAAKI/q7Rtgt41lTg/s200/Holding%2BHands.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5718010088814739186" border="0" /></a>Once a man takes on the important task of becoming a father, it suddenly stops being just about his life from that moment. You are now responsible for an entire person, even as they grow from infancy into adulthood. When a father is involved, responsible and committed, the bond established with your child is unbreakable. Sometimes in times of danger or emergency, a father’s automatic instinct is to protect. Most fathers I know who have good relationships with their children all share this innate trait.<br /><br />The <a href="http://www.fatherhood.org/dad-news/articles/father-saved-sons-car-bomb-honored">story </a>of Erik Chappell, the Michigan attorney who leapt into action to save his two boys after a car bomb attack, inspired me to recall other tales of fathers who became knights in shining armor for their children.<br /><br />In 2010, <a href="http://articles.nydailynews.com/2010-04-05/local/27060958_1_historic-ship-baby-bridget-murky-waters">David Anderson</a> and his daughter Bridget, just two at the time, and their scare in New York was an example of a father thinking of nothing more than saving his child. His little girl fell into a cold East River after which a brave Frenchman and Anderson dove into the water to rescue the toddler.<br /><br />Joe Gutierrez proved his heroic mettle after <a href="http://www.fatherhood.org/dad-news/articles/texas-man-saves-babies-from-fire">rescuing three babies</a> from a burning fire in Texas last month. Treating his actions like another day in the office, Gutierrez responded coolly, “I’m a regular guy. I’m not a hero, I’m a father. That’s what fathers do.”<br /><br />Although I didn’t leap into freezing waters or burning buildings, I received a call today from my daughter while she was at school. Calling from the nurse’s office, I could tell something was amiss with her. I immediately stood up, and began walking towards the door to leave, not even regarding that I had a lot more work to do for the day. Whenever I hear my child in despair, she’s no longer the tiny little person of 11 years ago. I harken back to holding her just out the womb. I don’t see a tweener, I just see my baby.<br /><br />Even now when she coughs too loud or says ouch, I get right up to see what the situation is. I’ve been told by dads of older girls that eventually, she’ll tire of my doting ways and will want some independence. I know I can’t always don a cape and take care of her problems, but I can’t imagine being any other way for the rest of my life. I hope and pray that my daughter will always know that while I can’t fix everything, I’ll do anything I can in my power to give her the best and safest life.<br /><br />Like Mr. Gutierrez said, that's what fathers do.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-48879808688812749382012-03-08T17:09:00.005-05:002012-03-20T09:03:42.483-04:00Tommy Jordan And The Path Of Parental Redemption<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M7vdFH-mOZc/T1kws_LaRdI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/Qq_G_GclBT0/s1600/tommyjordanTODAY.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M7vdFH-mOZc/T1kws_LaRdI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/Qq_G_GclBT0/s200/tommyjordanTODAY.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5717654751355225554" border="0" /></a>It was just a month ago when a entire nation was <a href="http://thefatherfactor.blogspot.com/2012/02/was-tommy-jordan-out-of-line-for.html">shocked</a> to witness a gun-toting, cowboy hat-wearing Tommy Jordan unload nine shots from a handgun into his daughter’s laptop. The aftermath of the event led to visits from Child Protect Services and the Department of Social Services, online commentators calling Jordan everything but a child of God, and a surprisingly high number of supporters.<br /><br />Clearly remorseful but still staunch in his reasons for his actions, Mr. Jordan and his family have rallied around each other despite many thinking their situation was much more explosive than it was. I dare say the Jordan family may be a tighter unit than any of us could have ever expected.<br /><br />Jordan, his daughter Hannah Marie and his wife, Amy, <a href="http://www.fatherhood.org/dad-news/articles/tommy-jordan-facebook-family-today-show">all appeared on</a> NBC morning program TODAY show with host Matt Lauer. When Lauer asked Hannah her feelings about her dad’s actions, she clearly has processed the moment far quicker than America has. “We went our separate ways for a while, but we were able to laugh about it afterwards,” she said to Lauer. Hannah did say her father overreacted but that she ultimately accepted his actions.<br /><br />Jordan’s wife, a doctor, also supports her husband’s actions and apparently gave Tommy the green light to destroy their daughter’s laptop. “People may look at the video that don't know him or us and think we're just completely uneducated country people. That’s not the case. He’s very intelligent, very thoughtful. He rarely does anything without thinking it through or even consulting me on a lot of occasions. This wasn't any different,” she shared.<br /><br />On air, Tommy Jordan admitted to his mistakes which he and his wife said was inspired by his daughter’s initial mistake. Both mom and dad’s overall point: watch what you say online because it can come back to haunt you. “Don't post anything on the web you don't want the entire world to see. That was why we were upset with her in the first place and all of this has driven the point home,” said Mrs. Jordan.<br /><br />Another moment that folks should notice was that of Mr. Jordan revealing he did indeed save Hannah’s hard drive from the same fate her laptop suffered. He looked his daughter in the eye and told her point blank that when she’s allowed to have a computer again, she can access her old files.<br /><br />Like any other family, the Jordans aren’t perfect by any means. Tommy Jordan realizes that his shoot-em-up stunt has made for weighty consequences for he and his family. But together, it seems like they’re working it out just fine. Perhaps it’s time to let this story rest and allow a family to heal and find their path to redemption all on their own.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-42362114060672359462012-03-07T17:02:00.008-05:002012-03-07T17:16:43.927-05:00Gift of God: A Father's Reflection on the Birth of a Child<span style="font-style: italic;">This is a post from Michael Yudt, NFI's Director of Program Support Services.</span><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5p3tM6b1zmXgb5s6EQtUm1oBZ97Qncgt4Wsic-ciAFsuY3-HR_9-xLb22iIcPcFTWBkt3mcvk8Lygl6UhOQpSm4hUcU3sW-l10th-7CDBQ9Joqu_1M6ZDVq2mQhPG-u9fsDgDvrdyRBGx/s1600/DSC01342.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5p3tM6b1zmXgb5s6EQtUm1oBZ97Qncgt4Wsic-ciAFsuY3-HR_9-xLb22iIcPcFTWBkt3mcvk8Lygl6UhOQpSm4hUcU3sW-l10th-7CDBQ9Joqu_1M6ZDVq2mQhPG-u9fsDgDvrdyRBGx/s200/DSC01342.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5717279221682371282" border="0" /></a>My third son, Nathanael Wayne, was born on February 18th at 8:25am. When my wife (Kelly) and I went to bed on Friday, February 17th, I was thinking we would awake the next morning just like we do on a typical Saturday. However, this was no typical Saturday.<br /><br />Apparently, Kelly tried to wake me up a couple times at night to let me know she was having contractions. I have no recollection of that whatsoever… I eventually woke up around 4am and had this feeling that I was not going back to sleep. I noticed that I was alone in bed and figured that Kelly must have made her way to the couch, which is typical for her during the last trimester (she finds the couch to be more comfortable).<br /><br />With my mind racing about a number of things, I made my way close to where I thought Kelly was sleeping to find her wide awake and having contractions. It became clear pretty quickly that this was the “real deal.” As a father and husband, I knew my job at that point was to “spring into action” (a favorite phrase of my near-4-year-old son, Caleb)<br /><br />Our youngest son at the time (Joshua, nearly 2) is an early riser and this day was no exception. He was awake shortly after 5am and with the excitement of the day we knew he was up for good. When Kelly’s parents arrived at our house, we finished getting everything together, said our goodbyes, and headed for the hospital. Before leaving, I told our oldest son, Caleb, “Today is the day the baby is going to be born.” He responded with a sense of great joy in his voice: “That’s right, today is the day!” Excitement was welling up inside of me knowing that this was the day we would hold our newborn baby.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiANEgygGBt9fiho0uww51H_YCSUf2mPPh2p8YOUqGX9ML3Pz8uUP3cJnPa1VXQ16eTr9fsLJwZyGNXAvfmKYzjb-FnAoAl69EqHpC94nHFkbrWXQ6nLiodl9ht5zdEFiZZmBfgPkN6u99R/s1600/DSC01326.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiANEgygGBt9fiho0uww51H_YCSUf2mPPh2p8YOUqGX9ML3Pz8uUP3cJnPa1VXQ16eTr9fsLJwZyGNXAvfmKYzjb-FnAoAl69EqHpC94nHFkbrWXQ6nLiodl9ht5zdEFiZZmBfgPkN6u99R/s200/DSC01326.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5717280427620784322" border="0" /></a>Upon arriving at the hospital, I knew that Kelly was disappointed when we were taken to the triage room, instead of the labor and delivery room. It’s rather funny, but the unspoken truth at the time was we both were hoping for an even faster labor than the rather quick one we had with Joshua (4 hours). With Kelly looking at the clock, I knew she wanted the baby to be born before 8:30am and she got her wish. Arriving at 8:25am, Nathanael Wayne was 8 lbs 7 oz and 20 ½ inches long. However, that’s not what defined him at that moment. When Nathanael first appeared, my wife and I shared his name with the medical staff that were present. Kristin, one of the nurses, didn’t miss a beat in sharing her knowledge of the name when she remarked that Nathanael means “gift of God.” Indeed, that’s exactly what he is and will always be!<br /><br />As fathers, our job is to cherish each of our children as a precious gift. And that doesn’t end after the emotional high of the child’s birth. That is a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week role that lasts a lifetime. I wonder how our world would be different if we had more fathers that viewed and treated each of their children as a gift from God. Nathanael, just like my other sons, was a gift the day he was born, is a gift the day I am writing this, the day you are reading this, and he will always be a gift - each and every day of his life. My encouragement and challenge to all fathers is to look at each of your children regardless of how old they are (yes, even adult children) with the same sparkle that you did the day they were born. After all, every child needs and wants unconditional love from their father. And that is a gift that we can give our children that is truly priceless…Renae Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09125834095032105169noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-12445654292429580502012-03-06T20:22:00.009-05:002012-03-20T09:04:04.732-04:00Father Absence And School Discipline<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qsISLqgQbNI/T1dr1z5og7I/AAAAAAAAAJw/SsWn_S2sWqU/s1600/19141498.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 133px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qsISLqgQbNI/T1dr1z5og7I/AAAAAAAAAJw/SsWn_S2sWqU/s200/19141498.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5717156824179311538" border="0" /></a>Before I joined NFI’s staff, I never heard of the term "father absence," but I was most certainly a product of it.<br /><br />Raised by a single, African-American mother in a tough neighborhood, I had to navigate the dangers of my environment and still be a well-behaved student. My mother worked late five days a week, and I was left alone often. Naturally, I modeled my behavior after the tough guys in the neighborhood, carrying that attitude into school. I was in trouble frequently for insubordination and not following instructions. Mom attributed much of my actions to my father not being around to help guide me.<br /><br />A <a href="http://www.ed.gov/news/press-releases/new-data-us-department-education-highlights-educational-inequities-around-teache">national survey</a> conducted by the Department of Education’s <a href="http://ocrdata.ed.gov/">Office of Civil Rights</a> (OCR) points to a glaring gap between the discipline students of color faced compared to their white counterparts. The numbers showed that while the collected data counted for just 18 percent of African-American students, Black males were shown to have nearly twice as many suspensions and even higher numbers for expulsion.<br /><br />According to <a href="http://www.childtrendsdatabank.org/?q=node/231">recent reports</a> compiled using Census data and other sources, it was found that last year just 33 percent of Black children lived in a two-parent household compared to 85 percent of Asian children, 75 percent of White children and 60 percent of Hispanic children. Nearly all children living in single-parent homes lived with their mothers, with over half of those being Black children.<br /><br />While the OCR survey is said to be expanding its research categories in the ongoing survey, it hasn’t been said to include data regarding the number of parents in the home. Education Secretary Arne Duncan addressed reporters in an open call on Monday ahead of the release of the data, asserting that the numbers are not directly a result of discrimination. Educators, obviously invested in what the data means ultimately, wisely noted that race, poverty and struggling school districts plays a part in what’s happening.<br /><br />I scoured a lot of text while writing this blog entry, and not one person mentioned the family structure, at least in my searches. There is nothing said on whether these students of color are in two-parent homes or not. According to research, children from father-absent homes are more like to have behavioral problems. Why are commentators ignoring this reality?<br /><br />In my own experiences, not having my father present in the home directly impacted how I behaved when I was not under my mother’s care. I’m not a statistician or researcher, but other numbers mesh with this report. 24 million children live apart from their biological fathers, with two out of three Black children and one of three Hispanic children dealing with father absence.<br /><br />That alone points to something I’d like to see the OCR address in their further collection of data. While it’s not the Department of Education’s aim to offer a counter to the problem of father absence, I’m a living example of how the issue of academic failure could also be attributed to growing up in an unbalanced home environment.<br /><br />Regardless of race and other societal factors, you can’t always expect well-behaved children in the face of father absence. In fact, the more the gap widens between fathers and children, the more we can expect numbers like this to spike even higher, and that’s truly a shame.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-19734793849479028882012-03-05T09:17:00.003-05:002012-03-05T09:28:25.913-05:00Enter to Win FREE iPad 2!<a href="http://svy.mk/xRmmoo"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 286px; height: 64px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaqzo8QVGP8c82VzpPdJaYi127m7YWyjs6nrN3CT9fcAcdRLQDkroYiCf6ZgdCfLolAgR75tsiCAnCiH8tOFeAHeXtwWoMcEoqjYpccS9KCru0D9NY8_fi3Ud0zpcXBXEaKb0ewe0rcdI0/s400/Surveybutton.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5716419116201646850" border="0" /></a>Hey Father Factor readers! Here at NFI, we want to continually be improving our outreach to you and offering resources and information that meet the needs of you and your family. To help us do that more effectively, we want to get to know you a little bit. Please help us out by taking two minutes to complete <a href="http://svy.mk/xRmmoo">this survey</a>. To say thanks for your time, we'll enter your name in a drawing to receive a FREE iPad 2!<br /><br /><a href="http://svy.mk/xRmmoo">Take the survey now and enter to win a free iPad >></a>Renae Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09125834095032105169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-24537104124815240252012-03-02T10:47:00.007-05:002012-03-20T09:04:30.717-04:00Does Chris Brown Need A Father Figure?<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HINjmL_u5bg/T1DvdEc3VTI/AAAAAAAAAJk/1CJLn4IDZ8I/s1600/chris-brown-angry.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 125px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HINjmL_u5bg/T1DvdEc3VTI/AAAAAAAAAJk/1CJLn4IDZ8I/s200/chris-brown-angry.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5715331209823212850" border="0" /></a>R&B singer Chris Brown burst onto the scene in the fall of 2005, and like the rest of America, I enjoyed his energetic dance moves and singing. Just 16 at the time, he was a fresh face poised for stardom. I knew some people personally at his label, and I rooted for his success.<br /><br />His first two albums were full of puppy love talk, ballads, and up-tempo songs that captured his talent. In February 2009, however, my perception of Brown’s music and personality changed after the violent <a href="http://www.eonline.com/redcarpet/2009/grammys/news/chris-brown-arrested-after-alleged-rihanna-assault/99069">domestic dispute</a> between he and ex-girlfriend Rihanna. Then 19, Brown assaulted the beloved pop singer after attending a party together earlier that evening. Naturally, Brown caught the wrath of both the media and his fans. The images of Rihanna’s swollen face still haunt me.<br /><br />At the time, Chris Brown’s biological father, Clinton, <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20259160,00.html">defended</a> his son, saying his son was remorseful. Chris didn’t grow up with his biological dad as his parents split when he was young. His mother, Joyce, remarried and Donelle Hawkins became his stepfather. In 2007, Chris revealed that his stepdad would beat his mother and that the situation filled him with rage, saying he even plotted to harm him. Although Hawkins <a href="http://www.accesshollywood.com/access-exclusive-chris-browns-stepfather-says-singer-must-take-responsibility-for-incident_article_14289">denied</a> striking Brown’s mother, he did confirm that it was a tense relationship.<br /><br />It’s no stretch to see that Chris Brown modeled behavior he grew up seeing. He wasn’t given an opportunity to witness a man treat his wife with respect and honor. His violent reaction to Rihanna was reportedly sparked by an accusation of Chris sneaking around with other women, leading to the fight. It was nearly the same pattern of events he would have to endure between his mother and stepfather. Instead of learning to resolve conflicts sensibly, Brown’s propensity to fly off the handle continues to this day.<br /><br />Brown has since gone into the gutter with his lyrical content. Moonlighting as a foul-mouthed rapper and morphing into a sex-crazed singer, he has lost all of the innocence in his music that once defined him. Another evolution of Brown’s character is his <a href="http://thestir.cafemom.com/technology/133091/chris_browns_twitter_meltdown_proves">caustic</a> online persona. Gone is the man who was subdued and reflective after his appearance on the Larry King show months after the 2009 incident. On his popular Twitter account, Brown is often profane and pushed into rage easily once anyone mentions his violent past.<br /><br />Rihanna and Chris Brown are reportedly together again; with some saying they never split officially. Disappointing fans and <a href="http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-talk-glanton-rihanna-20120228,0,6575567.story">opponents</a> of domestic violence, they have also recorded new music together that’s unfit for young ears. Rihanna herself lived with an abusive father in her native Barbados, who she has since forgiven. To his credit Brown has tried to address the issue but while he begins with his heart in the right place, he is easily moved to anger. Even entertainers on Twitter have pushed Brown to the edge and even <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/22/chris-brown-backlast-continues-cmpunk-miranda-lambert_n_1294032.html">challenging</a> him to fights.<br /><br />Had Chris Brown been closer to his dad, a corrections officer, would he have received better guidance? Is it possible that Brown still needs a father figure or a mentor that can steer him away from this downward spiral? In other words, Chris Brown has a lot of growing up to do and may need a guiding hand along the way.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-38606440504962220262012-03-01T10:55:00.004-05:002012-03-01T10:59:28.070-05:00So Easy, Even a Dad Can Do It<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCC5fHKWLtUtZSRF9NXgrbedTrFItKql1IbSB-lC3v1NB1lfvilJ96sfmpMoHz2kIK02oRwBLgR8LGY6fXM9NKV7D3_2JxJkOD97nLgO_JWtQx1xOB7CMKKWHuxT05F-gnsbQFuCKB14dz/s1600/geico"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 147px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCC5fHKWLtUtZSRF9NXgrbedTrFItKql1IbSB-lC3v1NB1lfvilJ96sfmpMoHz2kIK02oRwBLgR8LGY6fXM9NKV7D3_2JxJkOD97nLgO_JWtQx1xOB7CMKKWHuxT05F-gnsbQFuCKB14dz/s200/geico" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5714958911889568802" border="0" /></a>I have to take a deep breath when I write blog posts like this.<br /><br />While more and more advertisers are starting to realize that dads are competent parents that make or share in family purchasing decisions, there are still far too many stragglers that continue to play the “dads are dumb” line over and over again.<br /><br />Huggies, the huge diaper brand, is one of the worst offenders. Their most recent ad campaign may take the cake for advertising that is condescending to dads and out of touch with reality. <a href="http://on.fb.me/zWsx4U">Watch the ad here</a>.<br /><br />The imagery in the ad is great – dads taking care of their babies. We need to see more of that. But it’s the voice over and premise of the ad where the problem is: “To prove Huggies diapers can handle anything, we put them to the ultimate test: dads… alone with their babies….”<br /><br />What this reminds me of are the Geico commercials with the caveman. Remember those: “So easy a caveman can do it.” These Huggies ads send the same message: our diapers are so easy to use that even a dad can’t mess this up.<br /><br />Congrats, dads! You are in the same camp as cavemen! The problem of course is that cavemen don’t exist anymore, but dads do!<br /><br />Compare the Huggies ads to ones where products have to pass the “mom test” and you will find that those are handled in the opposite way. To pass the mom test, a product has to prove that it lives up to the high standards that moms demand. Like the old Kix cereal commerial, whose tagline was, “Kid tested, mom approved.” But the Huggies ads take the opposite tack; the product has to be tested by dads so that it survives the low standards that dads set.<br /><br />If you are not yet convinced that these ads send a terrible message about fatherhood, or that these ads are harmless and mean to be “funny,” think of it another way. There is a stereotype out there that women are worse drivers than men. So imagine a car commercial that says, “We are putting our new car to the ultimate test – giving it to a woman for 5 days to see if it survives!” The outcry would be justifiably enormous…<br /><br />I have to wonder who in the heck Huggies is testing these messages on or what research they are looking at that shows that these sorts of insulting messages to dads are still acceptable. The reality is that dads are changing diapers, caring for babies, and being involved dads. And where they are not, we need to be encouraging them to do so because it is what kids and families need.<br /><br />Huggies’ ad plays to old stereotypes and ultimately discourages involved fatherhood by playing up the idea that dads just aren’t as good at parenting as moms are. At a minimum, I imagine this ad is discouraging dads from buying Huggies – there appears to be quite an uproar about it online.<br /><br />What do you think of the commercial? <a href="http://on.fb.me/zWsx4U">Click here to view it and make a statement</a>. If Huggies is in fact committing a “violation” here, they need to hear from you so that things can change for the better.Vincent DiCarohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00648582612426907582noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-56832371946356160372012-02-29T19:33:00.007-05:002012-03-19T13:49:25.100-04:00Make Mine A Maxima: A Nissan Fan's First Auto Love<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7bXVtteZUSc/T07FhkSeUUI/AAAAAAAAAJY/wnFp5MmlfpA/s1600/Nissan.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7bXVtteZUSc/T07FhkSeUUI/AAAAAAAAAJY/wnFp5MmlfpA/s200/Nissan.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5714722157647253826" border="0" /></a>Although NFI is wrapping up its <a href="http://www.fatherhood.org/nissan-innovation-for-fatherhood">“Innovation For Fatherhood”</a> partnership with Nissan, I’m really thankful to know that a car brand I’ve loved for years has shown a deep commitment to being an automaker dads can trust. Although I wasn’t a father when I made my first car purchase, I do want to share a story on how Nissan won me over thanks in part to my dad’s love for cars.<br /><br />I’m not exactly what you would call a car buff, but my father was a bit of a collector. One of his favorite cars was his Datsun 280ZX, which he called “Tammy” for reasons still unknown to me. I always liked the sporty look of the car, and I remember playing a lot of “that’s my car” games with my brother whenever we saw one on the road. However, the car that first stole my heart was the 1988 Nissan Maxima.<br /><br />When I finally got to high school and the reality hit that I could soon be driving, I crafted an ambitious plan that I was going to work at the local fast food joint, cut grass in the summer, and do house paintings in my neighborhood for money. I truly believed I’d save enough money to buy a Maxima but the time I graduated from high school.<br /><br />My dreams were dashed and car ownership eluded me until I was around 19 years old. The 90s were upon us and while the Maxima underwent a change into its third generation shape at the time, I still wanted the boxier ’88 model. Luck would have it that a man who lived in my neighborhood was selling his sky blue Maxima. My father was skeptical, saying I shouldn’t buy a used car but everything checked out.<br /><br />I loved this car so much that I even learned how to do maintenance and I’m not the handiest guy around. The engine was the same as another favorite car of mine, the Nissan 300Z, and it was zippy! I pushed the car to the limit, racking up well over 100,000 miles in five years. Because of my loyalty to the brand and a higher income bracket, I was able to upgrade my car to the fourth generation version in 1996. It was all black and it was customary to see me in the summer cleaning and waxing my car every weekend.<br /><br />An accident some years later (which wasn’t my fault) totaled the car and I’ve missed it since. I’ll admit that I’ve owned other cars since then, but I still want a Maxima. It’s amazing how sleek the car looks now in its seventh generation, coming a long way from its inception in the late 70s. Should good fortune shine upon me in the near future, I can say without hyperbole that a Maxima will be the car that I’ll buy.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2