tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post3607671743690519812..comments2023-05-28T05:16:24.334-04:00Comments on The Father Factor: The Intended Consequences of an Old SpaniardRoland Warrenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03950298999478536463noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-7936355622295841152010-10-30T21:34:08.999-04:002010-10-30T21:34:08.999-04:00A quaint story that has some merit but utltimately...A quaint story that has some merit but utltimately, in my view, misses the mark of helping young people with managing their romantic relationships. While parental, and familial elder's influence on younger people is clearly lacking most of the time in today's young adult's lives, the problem for fathers with "Old Spaniard" stories (and there are likely many such stories) is that there is an implied regidity of roles that historically have done neither gender any good whatsoever. A woman's intentions are irrelevant, and a man's intentions are inherantly questionable. At the root of the question from the Old Spaniard is that, of course, he knows exactly what the young man is thinking about with his daugther (sex) since that is what he thought a lot about when dating as a young man himself. Of course he thought a lot of other perfectly normal and healthy things as well (love, companionship, happiness, security, comfort, family) but all that is washed away by the supposition that men have a two feelings and only two feelings - lust and anger. So the father-in-law ignores all that and cuts to the chase. Ofcourse, how many young men have told the fathers of their dates exactly what the father-in-law wanted to hear, the stereotypical "nothing but honorable intentions, sir" knowing full well that they still wanted to have sex with the daughter, albeit alongside other perfectly normal and healthy activities and feelings. I think fathers, and fathers-in-laws, and especially their children, would be much better served to ask young men dating their daughters, or young women dating their sons, questions (plural) like "So, how're you feeling about going out with my son/daughter so far?" and "What kinds of plans, if any, have you all talked about?" Ofcourse, that changes the entire nature of the relationship and implies some comfort on the father-in-law's part with the autonomy of his child, something that is much more important to for a young person to have in navigating their romantic relationships than fear of retribution for having a perfectly normal full range of feelings, including sexual feelings, feelings the "Old Spaniards" (us) of the world know full well.Patrick Morleynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-80841658051633648822010-10-30T00:58:36.297-04:002010-10-30T00:58:36.297-04:00Socially, it is expected that the father should ta...Socially, it is expected that the father should take the role of the "Old Spaniard". However, in these days of single parenthood, either by choice or consequence, I believe it is important for both parents to take on the role of the "Old Spaniard". Actually, whether married or divorced, both parents should actively hold their children's romantic partners and their own children accountable for their intentions. Perhaps 'unintended' marriages and pregnancies can be avoided.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16352149884909865692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-32386823356080050442010-10-29T21:08:31.748-04:002010-10-29T21:08:31.748-04:00Thank you for sharing a very inspiring story! The ...Thank you for sharing a very inspiring story! The blog left me wondering: Intended or not and regardless of the type of relationship, how do more parents effectively share responsibility for raising healthy and productive children? Given the reality facing many children, this is the question we must address as a society.Thomas Stewarthttp://qwaku.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-479371371212305020.post-40544434584833109162010-10-29T14:00:52.642-04:002010-10-29T14:00:52.642-04:00Great blog! Engaged fathers can make such a diffe...Great blog! Engaged fathers can make such a difference in preventing unplanned pregnancies (which often lead to abortions.) Pastors and church leaders should teach the theology of sex and marriage, and convene honest conversations about preventing unplanned pregnancies and abortions. The National Association of Evangelicals' Generation Forum has many helpful resources (www.naegeneration.com).Galen Careyhttp://www.nae.netnoreply@blogger.com